To the girl who told me I was too happy,
I am genuinely sorry that you disliked me because I was living life to the fullest. Looking back, I can't believe that I ever took your words to heart--but I did. And for a while, those words resonated with me. Every time I would start to become happy, I thought that I needed to hide behind a shell; I had to disguise my feelings. You made me believe that it was a crime to be happy and I'm still trying to figure out why I ever believed you.
That statement was said nine years ago, yet I still think of it often. You never really knew what those words would do, did you? The rest of my middle and high school career, I put on a mask. I wasn't myself, especially since you were always around every corner, threatening me with your eyes to stop feeling happy. You threatened to beat me up because I was filled with so much joy. Your words let it slip away too quickly, too suddenly -- why?
I will now never see you again, however, here I am writing about this incident in my life. I still think about it sometimes. Subconsciously I will tell myself, "Samantha! Control your happy thoughts, they're getting out of control." No, I don't always resonate this with you. It is in my brain now; I will and do think of it often. However, I do have to say that it has gotten better.
You see, coming to college has given me real friends. I am now out of the fake high school I was once in. I'm thankful for the few friends that I did have in and coming out of high school, but if I ever got the chance, I would never relive those years. I never realized how many best friends a girl could have; most people used to be so mean. Why did I let myself get involved with this kind of thing? I'm allowed to be happy here -- I can walk around with a big goofy grin on my face and tell people about my amazing day.
Oddly enough, I want to thank you for what you said. You may think I'm crazy, but I'm not. Your statement has affected who I am. If you never said those words to me, I would never be the girl I am today. I am a confident, beautiful, intelligent young woman who will never let someone walk over her again. If it wasn't for your harsh words, I may not have been able to pick out the roses between the thorns. I wouldn't have been as aware of the real world, as I was a naïve girl who thought everyone could be my friend. Some of my closest friends may not have been without your words.
I guess the point of this is that you never knew what you were saying when those words came out of your mouth. You never thought that nine years later a girl you threatened to beat would be thanking you from her dorm room in a quaint college town. Yet, here we are. So, remember to be careful about what you say to others because you will never know how it will resonate and how long it will stick with them.
The Happy Girl