Life has this neat way of naturally weeding things out. Slowly but surely we've been introduced to boys, jobs, feelings... phases that fade away and find their way out of my life. And it happens every time there's a major change in my life. I'm sure I'm the only person on this planet that has figured this out, but change makes you realize what you actually need in your life. Change makes you drop that extra baggage that you thought you needed. The extra sweatshirt that you packed in your carry-on just in case the other three you brought weren't enough.
The first time this weeding out happened was graduating high school. I left my high school absolutely convinced that my group of friends would stay together through thick and thin. I signed yearbooks, "Can't wait to be friends for the rest of our lives!! H.A.G.S." We all took your pictures wearing different college t-shirts, convinced that nothing could come in between us. But as the semester went on, the distance proved too heavy. Daily texts turned into weekly and eventually fell off all together. We came back Thanksgiving break, each of us excited to tell our own freshman year stories and tried to relate them to each other.
It's a weird feeling knowing that you're drifting apart from something. And usually, there's nothing you can do about it. No matter how many phone calls and gradually more awkward hang outs you try, the deed is already done. All you can do is wave from the boat as your former confidant becomes smaller and smaller, eventually disappearing behind the horizon.
You see change usually forces you to grow, and as you grow you learn what's most important in your life. And before you write me off as some girl that just throws away her friends, I'm actually quite the opposite. I'm the one grasping to hold onto strings of friendship, I'm the one desperately rowing against the current prolonging the time it takes to drift apart. Why? Because it hurts to lose a friend. Because it's hard to go through change with out that person by your side. Because it doesn't feel great to look back and wonder what you did wrong or what happened to the person you used to care so much about. Why don't those seemingly perfect puzzle pieces fit together anymore? Why aren't the two peas fitting into this pod?
Through change there's a state of clarity. Things you didn't pick up on before become apparent. Little things find their way out of the blanket you buried them underneath. The blanket of history and convenience. The sad, and hard to grasp, truth is that with change you're becoming someone else. Someone who doesn't fit with the person that they've become.
So as college graduation comes barreling towards me, and I prepare for the biggest change of my life, I can feel the drifting happening again. But this time I'm not paddling against the current, because I'm starting to get how this whole thing works. There's a reason these people are fading out of my life. Just like there's a reason other people stay in my life. I'm giving up on grasping strings because instead of beating a friendship to death, I'll savor the now temporary friendship we had. The semester long friendships, the college sorority friendships, and to all those drunk girls I've met in bathrooms, the night long friendships.
So to you, all the friends that have drifted away, thanks for all the time you gave me. Thanks for the laughs and memories that will make me look back at our friendship and smile. And most importantly thanks for still following me on Instagram and occasionally liking my pictures.
