Any athlete who fell in love with their sport can relate to this. You are an athlete, whether it be a gymnast, a runner, a swimmer, a dancer, a soft baller, etc. There comes a time that you identity as your sport. For the longest time, my "fun fact" that I always said in class was that "I'm a gymnast." Gymnastics became a part of me. It will always be a part of me.
It has been one year since I hung up my grips, since I stored my leotards in the back of one of my plastic drawers beneath my bed. It has been a year since I stepped onto the spring floor, sat in a circle with the other girls and stretched, and spent an hour tumbling across the floor with them. So much has happened in the past year that it almost seems impossible that I can remember all of the emotions that I felt when I walked into the gym. But some how, as I sit here reflecting on my career as a gymnast, that one year seems to dwindle down into not a year, but 3153600 seconds. 3153600 blinks of an eye. I can still feel the excitement I felt as a ten year old girl stepping into the gym for the first time. I can still feel the sadness of last year when I stepped out of the gym for the last time.
When I left the gym for the last time, I felt a little lost. I wasn't a gymnast, so what was I? I gracefully walked out of the gym before collapsing into a sea of tears and sobs, before throwing myself head first into an identity crisis. It didn't really hit me until a few weeks later at my college orientation that I was no longer a gymnast. We went around the room saying our names and a fun fact about ourselves. I suddenly didn't have one to say. It was a moment I'll never forget. All the other students at orientation were establishing themselves to each other and I was in the corner having an identity crisis because I could no longer hide behind the word "gymnastics."
To the athlete struggling to define herself after retiring from the sport she so desperately loved, it's okay to cry. You lost a part of yourself, but it's not gone. It's just lost, waiting to be refilled with something else that will come to help you define who you are. It may be instantaneous, or it may take a while. Be patient. One day, you will find something that makes you feel like your sport did. You will find something that lets you express who you are. You will find it when you least expect it. What you find may even be something you never expected. Don't forget your sport because on the inside, it helped to make you who you are. Remember the lessons and overcoming your struggles. Remember the triumphs and the people who helped you along the way. Hang tight! You will discover your true identity. That sport will never really leave you. Gymnastics hasn't left me and I know that in some ways, it never will.
I'm not a gymnast. I was a gymnast. I was a gymnast because gymnastics helped to get to point in my life where I could move on and become something else. Gymnastics is part of the foundation to who I am now. I would not be me without gymnastics.
