This year I was tasked with writing the thanksgiving prayer. This is not a tradition in our family but for some reason, my mother found me the be the perfect person to write and deliver it. We are not a religious family because we have so many religions going on. I'm Jewish but attended Catholic school, my mother and uncle were raised Catholic, my aunt and father were born to a not practicing Mormon father, and my cousin was raised in a house where both parents were from Mormon families but did not practice. So to say religion is not big in our family is an understatement..... But yet mid dog show my mother came into the living room and ask me to come up with a prayer for the Kosher Smith brand white bread of a family. So here are the thoughts I had coming up with the prayer.
1. Ok... so you've tasked with the prayer no biggy just the first time in recent history your family is doing a prayer for thanksgiving. I'm sure the internet has something for this... lets asked Twitter
2. Wow, thanks to twitter trolls! I should just act like Aunt Bethany in Christmas Vacation and just say the Pledge of Allegiance.
3. Wait that may not be a bad idea! I was asked to also bless the nation too and what's better than the Pledge of Allegiance!
4. JK Mom didn't think that was a good idea... crap now she's really mad....
5. I'm going to take a walk clear my head... wait I broke my ankle I can't do that... hmm I'll just sit outside
6. Crap it's cold out here... maybe I'll have a vision and god himself will tell me what to say!!
7. I'm going inside it's warm and there's wifi
8. Ok breathe.... let's see, the Presidents Thanksgiving Proclamation this should be good!
9. Oh my god, this is so good can I just say all this I'm crying! I'm going to miss the Obama's what class!!
10. HOW CAN I WRITE THIS NOW THAT I'M CRYING OBAMA IS NOT GOING TO BE THE PRESIDENT!!!
11. Calm down... feel that? It's passion write your soul out!!
12. Ok so the Pilgrims were Immigrants... they get the job done!!... wait no they didn't the natives did! Ok let's work on that... helping one another ok good.
13. Let's see google history of Thanksgiving. Roosevelt created it 1941. '41 Great Depression is getting over.... Pearl Harbor in a few weeks.... wow times were hard... harder then they are now... PUT THAT IN THIS!!
14. Ok natives helping the refugees holiday is created is hopeless time.... we can work with this!!!
15. What was Obama's speech again? Oh yes! Hope and helping one another.
16. I'll tell the family to find time to help one another in the community! Selflessness!
17. Ok should I mention the election? (Kermit meme: Yes you should make it all about the election)
18. Well... this is my field of study so I'm going to bring that in
19. Ok so uniting the country so many ideas....wait.... from many one... e pluribus unum!!!
20. WOW YOU ARE A MASTER AT THIS!!! SOMEONE HIRE ME TO BE YOUR SPEECH WRITER!!
21. Ok let's flip this and change that to be beginning.... let's see what twitter is up to you deserve a break!
22. What? Really JFK libary you gonna put the greatest f-ing quote about graditude on this day??? GOD BLESS JFK HE IS A MASTER OF WORDS!!! Hats off to his speech writer! Put that at the end of your speech!!!
23. Ok.. let's read through this... good... wait we need a joke..... Steelers... pray the Steelers win.
24. BOOM!! We done this looks good!
Ok so I wrote the prayer turned speech about Thanksgiving. But hey I did it no one got mad about the election part and no one got sick from the food so I think it went well. All I know is next time I need a weeks notice becasue if you want an actual prayer from me I need a weeks notice or you get a polictial speech!
