Ah, the new year; brimming with endless possibilities, full of potential, and...my last semester as an undergrad. My entire life up until this point has been vaguely mapped out: elementary school, middle school, high school, and (because I knew I wanted to go) college. Throughout that process, I knew how I would be spending my days. Now, on the perilous brink of graduation, I look forward to the future and see...I'm not sure. Not nothing, exactly. I know what I'd like to do, but the coming months are full of uncertainty at a level I've never experienced before. I decided to take a some time and evaluate the things in my life that are about to change. That is to say, well, everything.

I'm really, really going to miss my sisters.

I know, I'm being a sorority girl. But you don't spend four years with beautiful, funny, selfless, embarrassing, loud, smart, annoying, creative women and come out the other side unchanged. They make me want to be not just better, but my best self. They embody our creed every day, even when it's difficult. They are a family away from home and a support system unlike any I have ever known. Where else would a tattooed, nerdy writer like myself fall hopelessly in best-friend love with a bunch of designer loving blondes? Looking at our beautifully diverse group, it still doesn't make much sense. Then again, it's never needed to. Regardless of our individual hectic schedules, I can always count on seeing them at chapter every week. As much as I look forward to all the free time, a life free of endless meetings, fundraisers, community service projects, and socials is still kind of hard to imagine.

I haven't been traditionally published (yet) and for the love of god, kid, that is okay.

This thought isn't the most universal, but I think we all have a list of goals or accomplishments we thought we'd have crossed off the list by now. In this case, most of us need to relax. Like, really relax. We're constantly beaten over the head with the idea that we have to have it all together, all the time. For me, this feeling probably stems from the fact that two of my role models happen to be Amelia Atwater-Rhodes (published at 13) and Veronica Roth (had a book deal before she graduated college). I admire these people because they remind me that accomplishing my dream at a young age is possible. The problem is that their timelines are not necessarily realistic for me. Moral of the story: sit down, eat some gushers and suck on a capri sun like the 90s kid you are because you have plenty of time to 'figure it out.'

The student loans will probably kill me and haunt the dreams of my children.

How am I supposed to support myself as a functional human being on the current average salary of a millennial if I have those things breathing down my neck? (Side note, if you're another forty-something about to comment on millennials and their entitlement complex, just remember that you're the generation that handed out those participation trophies.) I am genuinely concerned that I will live with my parents for the foreseeable future. Of course, I could have simply not gone to college and resigned myself to a life in the fast food industry, (totally fine, btw) but then I would have people crapping on me for that decision as well. Either way, it's a battle I don't think I can win.

I'm going to miss the structure of college life.

To be fair, college life is one of the most unstructured times for many people and their new sense of freedom. As a creative individual, I'm not naturally organized and it's taken me quite some time to devise the daily structure of an adult. What I really mean though, is the set up of classes, homecoming games, Greek Week, Mansfield traditions and so on. I like the freedom throughout the day to take breaks from studying and meet friends for coffee. I like the spontaneity of weeknights even if I have a test the next day. I like the idea that adventures are lurking around every corner. Not that I think all adventures retire out in the real world, just that college is famous for fostering them.

I'm afraid I'll wake up in 40 years completely unhappy with my life.

I know it'll take time to get into my chosen field and make the kind of money I'm hoping for. My main fear isn't that I'll never break into that field per se, my fear is that I'll be unhappy wherever I end up. What if, no matter how hard I work, I'm just not good enough? What if I spend my life chasing my dream when I could have made a real impact elsewhere?

That's the real question isn't it? The root of all this anxiety? What if?

If you look at it that way, most of life is pretty scary. You get stuck focusing on the fruit at the end of all the different branches withering away the more you wait (Sylvia Plath really had it right on that one).The more I think about it though, the more I realize this: yes, the future is uncertain, and that is terrifying. Yes, the future is uncertain, and that is infinitely exciting.