2016, to say you were rough would be an extreme understatement. You challenged me in more ways than one—you pushed my limits and tested my resilience. There were a lot of things that I wish I could change about you. Moments I wish I could take back, memories I wish I could erase, decisions I wish I could change. The reality, though, is that we cannot change the past. We cannot undo what has already been done—we cannot rewrite history. As much as I may want to alter this past year, I can’t and maybe that is okay. I truly believe that every experience we have provides the opportunity for growth and may I just say, 2016, you provided a lot of growth. Every moment, memory and decision helped shape me into who I am today. I may not be proud of every step it took to get here, but I am proud of where I am now. I may not have gotten here the way I expected but I am here nonetheless and that is what matters. Here, in the present, that is where I am meant to be and you know what? It is good.
This past year, I learned to give myself permission. I learned to give myself permission to not always have things go perfectly. Life is not a movie and things do not always play out the way we plan. In fact, they rarely do. Throughout this past year, I was reminded of this and while it was not always easy, I slowly learned to be more accepting of this truth of life. I learned to give myself permission to not always be okay. It is quite difficult to act as though things are all sunflowers and daisies all of the time. As much as I may like to pretend that I am indestructible, I am not. I fall apart just like everyone else because I am human and we are not meant to be all put together all of the time. I learned to give myself permission to be vulnerable and ask for help. Being fiercely independent came at a cost this past year and I had to learn that there is no shame in getting help from others. There is strength in vulnerability and admitting to yourself that you need others. I learned to give myself permission to simply be me. I am who I am—the good, the bad and the ugly. This past year I have learned to accept that and to love myself—flaws and all. Learning to give myself permission was not easy but goodness, it has been one of the biggest gifts of 2016.
2016, if there is one thing you taught me it is that I am a warrior. In the wise words of Brooke Davis, "life kicks you around sometimes. It scares you and it beats you up, but there’s a day when you realize you’re not just a survivor, you are a warrior. You’re tougher than anything it throws your way. And you are… you are."
You may have been an absolute pain, 2016, but you didn’t break me. Despite all of the stress, tears, anxiety, and pain that came with this past year, you also came with a great deal of love, laughter, accomplishment and growth. You helped me grow in ways I never thought possible. Did I question myself? More times than I can count. Still though, every time I questioned myself, I came out loving myself more. I came to know and understand myself in ways I never had before and for that I am grateful. So, goodbye 2016. You were filled with lessons that I will carry with me for a lifetime but I am looking forward to a new year, a fresh start and this next chapter of life.
