It’s okay to not know who you are just yet.
In this day and age, we are filled with this idea that we’re supposed to know who we are at 20-something years old. That we are supposed to know our place in the world and what our purpose is. But who has any place to determine the experiences that define us? There were so many pivotal moments in my life when I had to decide if I was going to run or enjoy the ride and let this experience change me. These are the moments that define you.
When I was in high school, it is easy for me to say that I lost myself. I wasn’t sure what was important to me or even who was important to me. I started to withdraw myself from everyone. Friends, family, school events, you name it. Although I still put a smile on my face during the day, anyone close enough to me knew that something was definitely off. I felt so trapped in my own body, like I didn’t know who I even was anymore or who I even wanted to be. Looking at myself in the mirror was like looking at a stranger. Thankfully, I had an amazing supportive dad who actively stepped in and made sure I got better and became the happy little girl I always was. Prom rolled around, then graduation, then college acceptance letters.
Then in the blink of an eye, I was 18 years old about to leave for my first year of college. I felt my anxiety creeping back. I started doubting my capability and myself. Am I ready? Do I have what it takes? I was so unsure about what I was going to do once I left or if I had what it took to be who I wanted to be. Still with an unsettled mind, I took a leap of faith. A shot into the unknown. I didn’t know what was in store for me in this new chapter in my life. But I made the choice to go head first; letting this this new experience shape who I was going to be. Although it scared me, that’s the point isn’t it? So that’s what I did.
Coming to school, I had my best friend and my boyfriend from back home with me. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared that I was never going to go out of my comfort zone and ultimately, lose the potential to be the person I wanted to be. So what did I do? I went through sorority recruitment. I’m not here to try to sell you on Greek Life, even though it’s the best thing you can do in college, but that’s beside the point. I joined an organization of women who wanted to know me, the real me. They didn’t want to change me and make me into the cookie cutter stereotype. No, they wanted me to be the best version of myself I could possibly be. But the only thing was, I didn’t know who that was just yet.
I did the only thing I thought I could; I jumped head first into all things campus life. I participated in almost all of the philanthropy events, went to various community service events and even found myself going to study groups. That’s a big deal for me considering I loathe studying. Right before my eyes, I became happier. I was more vibrant and joyful. My family started to enjoy being around me again. My friends were noticing a difference. The sparkle in my eyes was back.
That is when I knew. When I found myself all alone, I no longer felt the anxiety and dreary but instead felt joy. I felt contentment. I knew that finally, I had found myself. I knew who I was. I am Aly Taylor and I am a passionate, empathetic, happy and content 20-year old. I promise you, you will find this serenity. Don’t ever get discouraged or feel like a stranger in your own body. I’ve been there and I know how it feels. But don’t rush it, because nothing compares to the absolute bliss you feel when you discover yourself on your own time.
