A timeline of me in college:
First month in college:
I know this isn’t what you ideally want to hear as you wish me the best while I’m away. But, I figured I’d let you know how I’m doing. The first few days were miserable. Someone would say the slightest thing about you and it would take everything in me not to cry. I would think about the red van pulling off of campus and my heart would fill with sadness. I would yearn for another one of our late night talks. I wanted, and needed your physical support. Although I was surrounded by some of the most supportive people in the world that I knew loved and cared about me (shout out LCVB), It didn’t matter because none of them were you.
None of them had to pick me up from kindergarten crying. None of them had to watch me struggle to make friends in first grade because of how shy I was. When you left it really felt like kindergarten all over again. I couldn’t stop crying, and all I was thinking about was when I got to see you next. It was a euphoria because all these great things were happening to me and you weren’t there to witness any of them. It felt wrong. I got the opportunity to go to college, something I’m so lucky for. I was able to play on the volleyball team, something I’d always dreamed about, and I was still sad. The person I worked so hard to impress and make proud, wasn't there. I would be so happy, then I would be sad, then I would be confused because all these good things were happening, and I was so sad. As much as we fought and bickered and tested each other, I miss it. Also going through preseason of volleyball and it’s kicking my arse, my body is suffering and it’s not helping my struggle.
Oh my goodness mother I am thriving. I’ve learned to actually like school-I know, shocker. I love my friends and the town, the community, everything is great. Obviously everything isn’t perfect; I still get stressed and I'm terribly busy. But I can’t imagine being anywhere else and I’m incredibly happy with where I’m at in my life right now.
P.S. I still miss you, I just thought I’d fill you in and let you know that I’m no longer mentally terrified and exhausted. Also I’ll make an effort to call more, sorry about that.