It was like I was lost at sea and I began to drown. Wave after wave came crashing over me, pulling me down deeper and deeper into the cool, dark, unknown water. I couldn’t breathe. I was gasping for air. Breath after breath, I could feel the bitter water creeping down my throat and filling my lungs. I was drowning. That is what it felt like, the day you left.

I know it sounds crazy, or maybe it doesn’t. But I knew from the moment I met you, you would change me. I wasn’t sure in what way, but I knew the second you smiled at me, that I was in trouble. Your smile was contagious. Just one glance and I was weak in the knees. So the second you flashed me that infectious smile with those sparkling eyes of yours, I knew we would have a story to tell one day.

I knew you had a past, but it didn’t bother me in any way, shape, or form. Because despite how much you had shared with me and even all the scars you showed me, I began to fall in love with every piece of you. Your demons and your scars made me love you so much more. You were pure, honest, kind, and everything I wanted to fill my days with. You were delightfully chaotic and beautiful in every way humanly possible--and I was just so mesmerized by you. It was as if the world stood still when I was with you. As if the world was finally at peace. As if all the sunshine began to cancel out all of the darkness. You and I together, were a beautiful masterpiece.

But then you left. It all happened so fast. It was like the ground was spinning beneath my feet. My world, all at once, was crashing down right in front of my tired eyes. I often find myself constantly replaying memory after memory, trying to make sense of it all. In the matter of minutes, everything was different, unknown. My life, my being; it was all turned upside down. Your past became your present and I felt myself growing lost within this storm that had formed.

I know you had to leave. You needed to find yourself again. But when you left, you took me with you. Day after day went by without you here, and with every day that had passed, I felt the water rushing in and eventually consuming me. I was drowning over and over again every day. My world was so dark. You were my sunshine, so when you left, my light diminished. It grew cold and gloomy without you here.

It took me what felt like a lifetime within itself to jump back into the sea. I was trying to find the pieces of myself that were lost within the process of loosing you. And, I did. It was a hard puzzle to figure out, but once I found that last piece, relief washed over me. I knew I would find myself again, but I also wish I never had to. I know nothing in this world is perfect, but wouldn’t that be something if it were? Then again, maybe it would take away from the beauty of it all. Either way, my world was becoming whole again.

The day you left was the day that changed my life forever. And as I’m sitting here writing, my mind drifts right to my most peaceful thoughts -- you. Wherever you are, I want you to know that even though we had capsized, you changed me in ways I am eternally grateful for. You are filled with importance and greatness. You are so exceptionally beautiful and are worthy of an extraordinary life.

I hope one day we find each other again, my beautiful beam of light.