Well folks, it's that time of year again. It's fantasy football time. The time where the average fan can become a team owner, where an expert can show off their set of skills, and where a guy whose not really a fan can drive everyone in his league crazy. As I was sitting in my league draft this year, far away from the action, I realized that even though the names change in these drafts, the actual people in these drafts never change.
1. The League Manager
This guy either sees himself as the Pablo Escobar of a massive Fantasy Football empire, or was pressured into the position by the league and has become the unwilling leader. Either way, you'll be getting at least four or five notifications and emails from him desperately begging you to either sign up or tell other people in the league to sign up. To this guy's credit, he's the hardest working member of the league. Throughout the season, he grows to hate everyone in the league, and ends the season by telling everyone how he will never be the manager again. But you know that he'll always come back. Our manager lives for the power.
2. The Guy Who Knows Way Too Much About Football
This guy has probably never picked up an actual football in his life, but he knows the stats of the Raider's second string punter, and will also be happy to tell you why he's the sleeper pick of the draft. This guy will have a thousand contingencies for every pick, and will bad mouth every single pick that everyone else makes. For all his talk, this guy will be lucky to get 5th place in the league. It will bother him like nothing else, and he'll be back next year with a color coded chart, ready to crush the competition.
3. The Guy Who Knows Nothing About Football
If the previous guy knows everything about football, this guy can't name three teams. He'll probably the friend of someone in the draft that nobody else knows, and he'll make blind picks, not knowing what else to pick. The most frustrating thing about this for everyone, and the thing that will make the Guy Who Knows Way Too Much turn purple with rage, is that this guy will be in the top 3, and very often bumble and stumble his way to the top, with what I can only assume is beginners luck.
4. The Ghost
When the league manager is desperately sending out emails, this is the guy who never responds. He's the guy who not only doesn't show up to the draft, but also let's auto pick draft his team. This might not be so bad, except instead of setting his auto pick, he just let's the clock run out, making the rest of the league wait. You will consistently forget that this guy is in the league during the season, and he'll finish in the middle of the pack, once again defeating the football savant.
You joined this league because your friends set it up, and are probably at most only kind of interested in the outcome. You know about football to some extent, but you mostly pick based on the names you recognize. You probably won't trade much over the season, and could finish anywhere from first to last. You might not live for fantasy football, but somehow, come August, you always find yourself back here sitting on your laptop, hoping to nab Russel Wilson.