A few months ago, I wrote an article titled “Burnout; The Bad, The Ugly and The Motivational” the title speaks for itself on that one. A month later I wrote an article titled “Get a Hotel Room” stating the importance of doing whatever necessary to breathe again. The next month after that I wrote a poem titled “Rotting Wood and Dead Leaves” the main point being that even dying things can be made into something beautiful. The theme was obvious. I was in such a dark place the only thing I could think about was finding an escape from the thoughts inside my head.

I was struggling with a recent diagnosis of PTSD which was something I had heard a lot about in my life but never imagined it would be something I would have to face. I knew exactly what would heal me. I knew in my heart what would change everything in an instant. The thing about being at that point though, the lowest and darkest point in your life to date, is that you get comfortable being uncomfortable. You can hear God telling you to talk to Him and you know that is exactly what you need to do. You just don't. You blame Him and you continue to ignore Him. You question how a prayer to the one who put you in this situation could simply just fix everything. You wouldn’t ever admit it but you are terrified of what He might tell you. You are just very comfortable being uncomfortable.

One day you are laying in your bed never wanting to move from that spot again, whatever moment may be your breaking point, this was mine. I could not ignore Him any longer. I knew in that moment the only way I was going to survive was by talking to Him. I begged Him to heal me, to stop the nightmares and the flashbacks. I asked Him for change in my life, knowing I needed it but so unsure where in my life it was needed. I told Him how crazy, angry and numb I had felt and how badly I wanted to stop feeling that way. I stopped being stubborn with what I thought I knew was best for me and I talked to Him instead.

The very next night I saw a house on Zillow.com that tugged at my heart. I got a showing with my realtor for the next day at 10 a.m. and I put in an offer that same day, which was then accepted immediately the following day. I could not help but have faith that this was part of God’s plan for me. I had been house hunting and apartment searching for the last few years. At one point I even considered uprooting my life and moving across the country. I was so lost in what my next step should be for so long. I simply asked God for clarity and change the night before, and he was giving it to me just like that! In the months to follow I was amazed with the amount of change suddenly happening in my life. I had been job searching because I was certain I could not bear my career for much longer and following the good news about the house, came a few positive changes at work. In the mix of those changes God also removed some negative relationships from my life. And one day for the first time in almost seven months, I was able to sleep again without having a single nightmare.

For a long time, I had placed the blame on God for putting me in the situation I was in but there was serious evil behind the circumstances that caused my PTSD. God knew that with Him I would be strong enough to conquer it, all I had to do was talk to Him. Everything comes at the perfect time when you give it all to God and trust in Him. My devotional today from the book He Whispers Your Name by Cherie Hill, was about moving the mountain of doubt you have within yourself by trusting that the Lord will move all other mountains in your life.

"Fill in the valleys; flatten every hill and mountain. Level the rough and rugged ground. Then the glory of the Lord will appear for all to see. The Lord has promised this!" Isaiah 40:4-5

Whatever it may be going on in your life, I challenge you to move your mountain of doubt, have faith and simply talk to God. You will not regret it.