I have never really questioned the existence of God. No matter what obstacles I have faced, God has supported me and stood by my side. He's the reason I have made it through the toughest times in my life. He's one who I want to share my joy with on my best days. But, my comfort with this relationship hasn't always been an easy one, but He's taken me on a journey that has led him to become my best friend.
A major moment in the development of my faith happened when I was around twelve years old. My grandfather and I were watching "Fiddler on the Roof" when he told me that we should talk to God the same way as Tevye. Rather than praying with our hands folded and eyes closed, we should speak to him as any other person in our life. In a cliche (and somewhat over dramatic) way, this changed my life.
I started thinking about God in a different way than I had ever done before. I asked myself what role was God playing in my life. What was I missing out on by only praying before I drifted off to sleep? What potential was I missing by only doing the bare necessity within my faith?
So, I started talking to God in a different way. And, I won't lie, it was hard at first. Really hard. But, I knew it was important to recognize the difference between sharing my life with God and allowing him to stand on the sidelines. I started telling God everything. I would beg him for help when I once again misplaced my keys. I would ask him for forgiveness when my temper had the better of me. I would ask him the "why" and "when" questions when my heart was tired. And every time, he would show me the answers.
God taught me what it means to trust- to walk into a situation with blind faith that the struggles will pass. To believe that his love will provide. To understand that faith and fear cannot both live within us, and we will benefit from believing in faith.
God is (and always will be) my best friend. While people have come and gone throughout the years, God has always stayed. He listens to my daily fears and offers comfort in my future. He shows me time and time again why certain people needed to be taken out of my story. He shows me when I deserve better, even when I don't understand.
I fail my best friend every day. I make choices that reflect my imperfections. I prove once again that I am a sinner by nature. But, God shows me why his love is greater than my flaws, and for this I am blessed.
I've always struggled to think about my faith as a religion. And, though it's always played a major role in my life, it has always been less about rules and more about the God behind them. The older I have become, the more I love my special relationship with our Lord. No matter where this life will take me, God will be the reason for all of it.
