I'm first wondering what kind of people are going to click on this article, just by what the title says. I imagine some of you are students that may have gone through a similar thing, or even students that have never been athletes and are just curious in what "the truth" is. But, most importantly, I picture there are some of you reading this are currently student-athletes, wondering deep down what it's like to not be an athlete anymore. That's exactly what happened to me about a year ago.

I remember sitting on campus one day during the fall of my sophomore year of college and just watching people walk by. No, not in the creepy way that I know you all are thinking, but I was imagining where these people were headed, what their day had in store for them, and what it might be like to not be an athlete anymore.

The thought came to me suddenly, and I was absolutely shocked by it. But, then I began to get curious. I was so used to waking up for class from 8:00 am to 12:00 pm, then heading to lifting from 2:00 pm to 3:00 pm, then going straight to practice 3:30 pm to 6:00 pm, and then to the library to study for the remainder of the night. Everyday was pretty much that same thing. Weekends would be full of long practices and other events that we had to attend. I didn't know another life besides this one.

Being a student-athlete was a full time job, and I began to wonder more and more what it'd be like to have some actual free time on my hands. I could get an actual job and make some money. I could join more clubs and organizations on campus. I could volunteer more often. I could go home and visit my family. Maybe my grades would be better. Maybe I wouldn't be so sore all the time. Maybe I would be happier. The possibilities were endless and my mind would continue being curious, day after day.

Now, don't get me wrong, I loved being an athlete. I loved my team, the excitement I had as soon as I stepped foot on the field, and everything in between. Some of the best moments of my life have been on the field with my team, and I will never forget those memories. I had been playing sports since I was six years old; being an athlete made me who I was. But, honestly, that kind of began to scare me, too. Was this really what I wanted to be known for?

So, although these thoughts consumed me almost every night, I pushed them away. I love being an athlete. I love my team. I love my sport. I would just tell myself this over and over again, trying to forget about the questions that were exploding inside the back of me head. I continued my season full force and pushed through it all.

To cut to the chase, I couldn't take it anymore. The game became miserable to me. I don't know how it happened, honestly, it just did. One day in March I woke up and it hit me full force. I didn't enjoy heading to practice everyday like I used to. It began to feel like a chore. The words of my old coach were set on rewind in the back of my head, "If the game isn't fun anymore, then you shouldn't be playing."

But, guess what I did! I pushed through those feelings and tried to work through it. It just made it worse. My mental health was in jeopardy. I couldn't help but be afraid to make the decision my heart was longing for. I was so afraid of not being an athlete because being an athlete is all I've ever known. What am I going to do without it?

After countless nights of tears and talking with my family, I decided to leave my team and, shortly there after, the sport I loved. I still regret leaving the team the way I did, but if I didn't react, I would have lost myself completely. I would have gone insane.

I took that summer to focus on me and my future career. I got an internship, a few jobs, and consumed my time. It was the first summer I had never played, so it was hard. Ironically, I had the best summer of my life. I met some amazing people, learned so many things about myself, and realized what I wanted to do with my career.

I decided to transfer schools for my education (because, hey, I was only a student now). First day of classes felt a little weird because I did have so much free time, but as the days and weeks went by, I learned how to use that time.

It's funny because I think back to that fall day at my last university, and I finally had a reality to put to those notions. I do now have a job. I joined many clubs and organizations on campus. I volunteer a lot, especially through my orgs. I've seen my family a decent amount this semester. My grades are better. I'm only sore because I go to the gym to workout for reasons that I want to. I'm absolutely happier.

There was a time that being a student-athlete made me the happiest person alive. When I signed my LOI way back in High School, I told myself I would be a student-athlete for my entire collegiate career, and I would never quit no matter what. I look back and laugh, because little did I know that things change. You can't control the future and what happens. We all have this perfect life pictured in our head, but it could change at any moment. We can't plan for what tomorrow may bring, it's always a surprise.

So, the truth is I miss being a student-athlete, but at the same time, I'm so happy with the decision I made. I wouldn't be able to be where I am right now, doing the things I am without making that decision to quit.

My advice to anyone who may be going through something similar is just to follow your heart. Don't be afraid of all of the what ifs that you may be facing. Focus on your mental health above all. And most importantly, it's okay to leave to start over. Sometimes you need a new beginning.

I'm glad I followed my heart to find mine.