With Major League Baseball spring training games coming to a close and opening day beginning this weekend, it is safe to say that baseball season has officially arrived. There are hundreds of things to love about baseball games: the atmosphere of the stadium, sharing a beer and a brat with good friends and watching your favorite player hit a clutch home run to win a big game. These aspects of baseball season are definitely something to look forward to, but personally my favorite part of baseball season are the glorious baseball butts. Sure, the MLB has a few very skilled players like Paul Goldschmidt, Mike Trout and Jake Arrieta that make the game fun to watch, but we need to look at the stat that really counts: the baseball booty.
After countless hours of research and narrowing down the list of very worthy candidates, the All-MLB Baseball Butt Team has been finalized. Candidates were ranked on tightness of baseball pants, circular-ness and fullness of the butt and proportionality. Presenting the 2016 All-MLB Baseball Butt Team:
10. John Jay, St. Louis Cardinals
Hands on the hips and booty popped. John Jay has got it going on.
9. Ryan Braun, Milwaukee Brewers
Oh, hey there... I wasn't looking at your butt, I swear. Okay, yeah, maybe I was.
8. Buster Posey, San Francisco Giants
Catcher butts = the best butts.
7. Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins
Booty, booty, booty, booty rockin' everywhere.
6. Giancarlo Scanton, Miami Marlins
Is it just me, or does Giancarlo's butt look like a perfect half circle? So beautiful. So symmetrical.
5. Evan Longoria, Tampa Bay Rays
Put your hands in the air if you love baseball butts!
4. Anthony Rizzo, Chicago Cubs
As a Cubs fan, I enjoy staring at this butt all game.
3. Bryce Harper, Washington Nationals
"You see those people, Bryce? You have a better butt than all of them combined. Own it, son. Own it." - his teammate probably
2. Anthony Recker, Cleveland Indians
This is the definition of a 'bubble butt,' and what a fantastic bubble butt it is.
1. Daniel Murphy, Washington Nationals
Tightness of baseball pants: 12/10; Circular-ness and fullness of the butt: 15/10; Proportionality: do you see those thighs? 20/10
Congratulations to all of the winners! Your baseball butts are absolutely glorious and we all look forward to watching them this summer. And I guess watching some baseball too. As baseball season begins this week, just remember to say a little thank you to the creators of baseball pants and squat racks. Without them, we would not enjoy baseball nearly as much. Happy opening day!
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