(DISCLOSURE: I'M NOT A WRITER, SO BARE WITH ME!)

Today, we're born into a world where the social norm is to go to college and get a degree and then go out into the real world to then do what? Are we even promised a good paying job after we graduate? NOPE. Are we promised ANYTHING after we graduate? NOPE. (Other than bragging rights maybe.) So, how are we supposed to be paying off our thousands of dollars of debt that our society pressured us into doing? But wait, it gets better… how are we supposed to stay above water if we're not financially stable being pushed into college to begin with?

My name's Tristan, and I'm a super senior (yes, I said it), and I'm 23 and I'm STRUGGLING to get through college. The normal college struggle, like the morning struggle of getting up for an 8 am, hours of boring classes, when am I gonna find time to eat? Should I go out tonight or tomorrow night instead? Wait, peer pressure will have me go out both nights. What drunken food am I gonna order tonight? Pulling all-nighters for tests I should've started studying for days ago.. what I would give to have the normal college struggle. When I say struggle, I mean… How the hell do I fill out my own financial aid? Where do I find a cosigner? How do I understand what all this loan stuff means? How am I gonna pay for my rent this month? Or groceries? Or thinking how tired I'm gonna be after a day full of classes, clinical, volleyball and going to work. THEN, waking up for a test that morning. Deciding that work is more important than a social life because I'm on my own here. I could keep going on, and on, trust me—but I'll save you from the despair.

I graduated high school in 2014, and after I graduated I didn't think college was for me, but only because how was I going to get the money to pay for it? I could barely get the money to pay for an application, then to pay for my room and board application, etc. Then during that year, I worked as I watched my friends enjoy the college life. Major FOMO kicked in and I decided, I could do this. No matter what kind of debt I was going to get myself into, I needed to figure out what I needed to do to get myself into college. Did my financial aid, figured out what loan I could get without a cosigner, everything was done, and I was off. After the first semester, I had zero dollars to my name, didn't know what to do. Until I figured out how to get yet, another loan out. Why should I have to get loan out to just live!? I kept telling myself I couldn't get a job, I didn't have time for it. Well, here I am.. 3 years later with a job still in college because I was drowning… and even with a job I'm still drowning. I have one semester left here at school, only two more classes to complete my major, and I'm not even sure I can go back because the school won't let me schedule because I have a hold on my account due to $3,000 balance from the previous semester. I call and call, to see if I can schedule for my classes that start in 3 weeks. They say they can't help and forward me to a different office, who then only give me options with people who have cosigners and parents that are willing to help. Still nothing I can do… At this point, I just think about what life would be like if I dropped out of college with only TWO classes left to take.. TWO. Could I ever forgive myself? Would I be disappointed in myself? Would my family be disappointed? I get mad, I get mad at my mom who doesn't have the means to send me to school, or to even cosign a loan for me. I get mad that I don't have anyone else around me that would help me out. I get mad for seeing my friends going through college without a worry because their parents take care of everything for them. I get mad when I'm sitting here frustrated as hell, having people telling me "it'll be okay", "nothing to worry about, you'll figure it out". Until you're ever in my shoes, you will never know what it's like trying to get through college all by yourself.

So, please tell me why we make college so glorified and so damn expensive. Why should I waste all my time and money to not even finish in the end and come out of it with debt all the way up to my neck and no diploma. I always tell people that I'll figure it out, I always do somehow. So if you're struggling, and reading this—you'll figure it out, and you will get through it, you always do.