We all have been in the car at some point, some more than others. But this article isn't for the short car rides to the cabin; this is about the long, grueling car rides across country. Trust me, they are terrible. But for some odd reason, if you do willingly decide to cross the country in a car, use this to prepare yourself for the journey.
1. The Butterfly Stage
So young and so innocent. You think that the trip is going to be a fun time with your friends. You're happy you have finally loaded the car, and are on your way to your destination. At this point, you have many car snacks to choose from, and your phone is still at a high percentage.You are smiling; clearly the stench of a dead skunk has not yet filled your car. You have gotten a good night's sleep beforehand, and have not yet needed coffee. Life is good, but just you wait.
2. Brunch Time
Finally, a valid reason to eat fast food. Because you didn't eat breakfast, your consistent complaining has finally gotten the driver to make a much needed stop for brunch. This is the first time you can get up and stretch your legs. They kind of feel numb, but not yet to the point where they have molded to your seat. With your bladder empty and your stomach full, you continue on your journey.
3. Death By Phone Battery
Forget a portable charger, it is too late for that. Your laptop is on low, and can't give you enough charge to send a single snap chat. The car charger has so long of a waiting list that you could probably grow old with your phone before it could get any battery life. So, you give up. You send in your last tweets, like your last Instagram posts, and wait in boredom until you can charge your phone outside a gas station bathroom.
4. The Half-Way Realization
Hoorah you are half way! You let the excitement sink in, you feel your accomplishment, but then you realize how much time you actually have left. Everything you were looking forward too, seems so far away. You keep thinking about every shorter trip than this, and reminding yourself never to drive this long again. Except, you have to sit in the car just as long on the way home.
5. Developing Limp Leg Syndrome
Well, it's finally another break. You claw your way out of the car only to find your knees buckling beneath you. They seem to be in a permanent squat position. Your feet feel prickled with numbness as you take each step. Your legs don't work like they used to before. You stumble and trip over your shoes while working your way to the bathroom. You walk around for about a half hour before you can walk normal again. But by this time, you have to get back in the car.
6. The Not-So-Successful Napping Period
The one time you want to and desperately need to sleep, you can't because everyone decides to be as loud as they possibly can. The radio turns on, and the car is rocking. People squeal and you can still hear them, even with your headphones in. Worst of all, you cannot possibly sleep upright anymore. Your neck has cramped and your ass feels like its been stoned. Well, who needs sleep anyway?
7. The Terrible Twos
It's that time of the night why you wonder why you are still awake.The road seems to be getting longer and longer, while time seems to be passing slower and slower. At about two am, you have as much endurance to keep going as a cranky toddler. Your eyes start to feel heavy, but you cannot sleep because you still have hours of driving left.
8. Last Hour Motivation
Finally it's the home stretch. All the caffeine has gotten to your head, and your adrenaline picks up. You desperately want to get out of the car and never return. You put on your shoes, grab your bags, and lean toward the door. You break down in tears of joy when you finally see your destination. It's all over, until the end of the week when you leave.
