All shall be well. These were words my grandpa said to many in hardship, trying to provide comfort to them. I wish he could say them to me now. It’s been a little over three weeks, yet it seems like a lifetime without him. I miss his commanding presence, his sense of humor, and his lighthearted comments. Most of all, I wish I could have ten more minutes with him, just to tell him how proud I was to be his granddaughter. I’m not one to cry much, yet I find myself sobbing now at how much I miss him. Missing someone is a strange thing. You feel as if you’re fine, until something happens and the first person you think of is them. And then you feel a devastating blow when you remember that they’re not here anymore to talk to, to sit with, or hug. My grandpa was an English teacher, among many other remarkable things, so I feel as if he would appreciate this in a way.
When I go through my baby pictures, I come across you, Grandpa. And it makes me sad that there will be no more pictures, no more smiles, and no more embraces. There are so many memories with you that sometimes new ones come to me at random times, and then I know that you are with me. I find myself frantically looking for any signs of you, any clues that you’re around, probably laughing at me fully. And I do, Grandpa. I do find you, in a poem you loved, a cardinal in a tree or a “guardian angel” moment. You made me believe in so much, and I know you affected so many people that you could never truly leave. “When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure.” I treasure every second I had with you, every conversation and every photograph. Somehow, you have become more special to me now then you had been before. I will always be in awe of you, and of everything you did.
I will miss you when I graduate college, when you’re not present to dance with me at my wedding, and when you’re not there sitting in your big armchair, waiting for me. I will always cherish the memories we did have, and I hope you always knew how special you were to me. You taught me so many things like, to always have a firm handshake, to try your best to always be kind (especially when it’s hard) and to always rely on faith and family in your darkest moments. I also think I get my stubbornness from you, even though you were so stubborn you would probably strongly deny that statement. I think about you in Heaven, happy and healthy and strong, and I know that is where you are meant to be now. I talk to you often when I’m bored, frustrated or alone, and I know you talk back in the way you can. I miss you and thank you, thank you, thank you.
I love you, always.
“I wish Heaven had a phone, so I could hear your voice again.I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and the day before too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have is memories and a photo in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, from which I’ll never part. God has you in his arms and I have you in my heart.”
