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50 Things I Would Rather Do Than Hear You Complain About The New England Patriots

Your bitterness will cause you unwanted wrinkles, I promise.

Victoria F. Leonardo

Jan 22, 2019

Pennsylvania State University

171

50 Things I Would Rather Do Than Hear You Complain About The New England Patriots

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If you're the best at something, it's almost guaranteed that someone will hate you for it. It doesn't matter how humble you are or how deserved something might be, you will have haters. Clearly, you are doing something right if so.

In the sports world, when it comes to particular teams, the magnification of disgust and hatred is brought to a whole new level. It's borderline psychotic but rivalry and sh*t talking is just the tip of the ice burg of what makes sports so great. Now when it when it comes to the New England Patriots, the pettiness and execration are always at an all-time high. So high, that "humorous" articles like this are written, and somehow, actually go viral.

In Tom Brady we trust, so to delightfully return the favor to most of America, as a New England fan, here are 50 things I rather do than hear you complain about the New England Patriots:

1. Get shot in the forehead by a paintball gun.

2. Be cursed with a Kim Kardashian crying face for the rest of my life.

3. Have a hockey puck knock out my two front teeth.

4. Take a hot shower with turf burn.

5. Burn my tongue on hot coffee every day.

6. Never watch another Disney movie ever again.

7. Drive behind an 80-year-old on my commute to work.

8. Stub my pinky toe the second I get out of bed.

9. Swallow something down the "wrong pipe."

10. Max out my credit card at the bar.

11. Wait in line at a grocery store the day before a holiday.

12. Give up social media for a month.

13. Repeat grades K-12.

14. Use my Myspace picture from 2006 as my LinkedIn picture.

15. Spoon a porcupine.

16. Go on a date with the person I've been swerving since last year.

17. Drive in a clown car as my main source of transportation.

18. Rip my pants before meeting my celebrity crush.

19. Eat a sandwich that fell in sand.

20. Be stuck in a 15 hour layover.

21. Be forced to watch C-Span as my only news source.

22. Be chased around by Pennywise.

23. Listen to "Friday" by Rebecca Black on repeat.

24. Eat rocks.

25. Get sh*t on by a bird in a new outfit.

26. Get mistakenly arrested for public intoxication on the boardwalk.

27. Be deprived of pasta for a year.

28. Get stuck in a mosh-pit.

29. Dig my car out of snow.

30. Try to maneuver and eat a collapsing burrito.

31. Have poor service equivalent to the service at a concert.

32. Wake up feeling hungover without even drinking.

33. Get a paper cut.

34. Have to pay for laundry.

35. Pour candle wax on my body.

36. Go through boot camp.

37. Never eat my favorite snack again.

38. Listen to AM radio.

39. Get splashed on by a car speeding through a puddle.

40. Get in the ring with Ronda Rousey.

41. Be abruptly woken up by a mariachi band.

42. Use a paper map instead of Google Maps for the rest of my life.

43. Go streaking in 0 degree weather.

44. Realize you got the wrong coffee order once you're at your destination.

45. Delete my Netflix/Hulu/Spotify/Apple Music subscription.

46. Use lemon juice as contact solution.

47. Replace toilet paper with sandpaper.

48. Pay for a $500 Uber.

49. Use a fraternity house bathroom.

50. Laugh at all of you when Tom Brady wins Boston another ring.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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50 Things I Would Rather Do Than Hear You Complain About The New England Patriots

Your bitterness will cause you unwanted wrinkles, I promise.

1. Get shot in the forehead by a paintball gun.

2. Be cursed with a Kim Kardashian crying face for the rest of my life.

3. Have a hockey puck knock out my two front teeth.

4. Take a hot shower with turf burn.

5. Burn my tongue on hot coffee every day.

6. Never watch another Disney movie ever again.

7. Drive behind an 80-year-old on my commute to work.

8. Stub my pinky toe the second I get out of bed.

9. Swallow something down the "wrong pipe."

10. Max out my credit card at the bar.

11. Wait in line at a grocery store the day before a holiday.

12. Give up social media for a month.

13. Repeat grades K-12.

14. Use my Myspace picture from 2006 as my LinkedIn picture.

15. Spoon a porcupine.

16. Go on a date with the person I've been swerving since last year.

17. Drive in a clown car as my main source of transportation.

18. Rip my pants before meeting my celebrity crush.

19. Eat a sandwich that fell in sand.

20. Be stuck in a 15 hour layover.

21. Be forced to watch C-Span as my only news source.

22. Be chased around by Pennywise.

23. Listen to "Friday" by Rebecca Black on repeat.

24. Eat rocks.

25. Get sh*t on by a bird in a new outfit.

26. Get mistakenly arrested for public intoxication on the boardwalk.

27. Be deprived of pasta for a year.

28. Get stuck in a mosh-pit.

29. Dig my car out of snow.

30. Try to maneuver and eat a collapsing burrito.

31. Have poor service equivalent to the service at a concert.

32. Wake up feeling hungover without even drinking.

33. Get a paper cut.

34. Have to pay for laundry.

35. Pour candle wax on my body.

36. Go through boot camp.

37. Never eat my favorite snack again.

38. Listen to AM radio.

39. Get splashed on by a car speeding through a puddle.

40. Get in the ring with Ronda Rousey.

41. Be abruptly woken up by a mariachi band.

42. Use a paper map instead of Google Maps for the rest of my life.

43. Go streaking in 0 degree weather.

44. Realize you got the wrong coffee order once you're at your destination.

45. Delete my Netflix/Hulu/Spotify/Apple Music subscription.

46. Use lemon juice as contact solution.

47. Replace toilet paper with sandpaper.

48. Pay for a $500 Uber.

49. Use a fraternity house bathroom.

50. Laugh at all of you when Tom Brady wins Boston another ring.

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

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