If you're the best at something, it's almost guaranteed that someone will hate you for it. It doesn't matter how humble you are or how deserved something might be, you will have haters. Clearly, you are doing something right if so.
In the sports world, when it comes to particular teams, the magnification of disgust and hatred is brought to a whole new level. It's borderline psychotic but rivalry and sh*t talking is just the tip of the ice burg of what makes sports so great. Now when it when it comes to the New England Patriots, the pettiness and execration are always at an all-time high. So high, that "humorous" articles like this are written, and somehow, actually go viral.
In Tom Brady we trust, so to delightfully return the favor to most of America, as a New England fan, here are 50 things I rather do than hear you complain about the New England Patriots:
1. Get shot in the forehead by a paintball gun.
2. Be cursed with a Kim Kardashian crying face for the rest of my life.
3. Have a hockey puck knock out my two front teeth.
4. Take a hot shower with turf burn.
5. Burn my tongue on hot coffee every day.
6. Never watch another Disney movie ever again.
7. Drive behind an 80-year-old on my commute to work.
8. Stub my pinky toe the second I get out of bed.
9. Swallow something down the "wrong pipe."
10. Max out my credit card at the bar.
11. Wait in line at a grocery store the day before a holiday.
12. Give up social media for a month.
13. Repeat grades K-12.
14. Use my Myspace picture from 2006 as my LinkedIn picture.
15. Spoon a porcupine.
16. Go on a date with the person I've been swerving since last year.
17. Drive in a clown car as my main source of transportation.
18. Rip my pants before meeting my celebrity crush.
19. Eat a sandwich that fell in sand.
20. Be stuck in a 15 hour layover.
21. Be forced to watch C-Span as my only news source.
22. Be chased around by Pennywise.
23. Listen to "Friday" by Rebecca Black on repeat.
24. Eat rocks.
25. Get sh*t on by a bird in a new outfit.
26. Get mistakenly arrested for public intoxication on the boardwalk.
27. Be deprived of pasta for a year.
28. Get stuck in a mosh-pit.
29. Dig my car out of snow.
30. Try to maneuver and eat a collapsing burrito.
31. Have poor service equivalent to the service at a concert.
32. Wake up feeling hungover without even drinking.
33. Get a paper cut.
34. Have to pay for laundry.
35. Pour candle wax on my body.
36. Go through boot camp.
37. Never eat my favorite snack again.
38. Listen to AM radio.
39. Get splashed on by a car speeding through a puddle.
40. Get in the ring with Ronda Rousey.
41. Be abruptly woken up by a mariachi band.
42. Use a paper map instead of Google Maps for the rest of my life.
43. Go streaking in 0 degree weather.
44. Realize you got the wrong coffee order once you're at your destination.
45. Delete my Netflix/Hulu/Spotify/Apple Music subscription.
46. Use lemon juice as contact solution.
47. Replace toilet paper with sandpaper.
48. Pay for a $500 Uber.
49. Use a fraternity house bathroom.
50. Laugh at all of you when Tom Brady wins Boston another ring.
