I couldn’t tell you what happened to me this summer if I tried. It’s like I went from a carefree, “Everything will work itself out” persona to a,“Don’t talk to me while I’m studying or I’ll scream." Being in charge of 12 boy-crazy, drama obsessed tweens could definitely be a reason (thank you summer camp), but a switch flipped in me one day and here I am.

I’m a sorority girl in the most laid-back sorority on campus, and I can’t even stay at a party for more than an hour without hyperventilating. I went from flirty and friendly to unapproachable and uptight. Don’t even get me started on the dating front, I’ve lost my mojo completely. With friendships, I’m too busy worrying and I let everything slip past me. I just don't get it.

Coming from a small private school the size of a shoe box, I get easily overwhelmed at parties and social events. I get sad when things don’t go my way, but doesn’t everybody? There are so many girls that feel this way, so many just think it’s stress.

I am not able to give you a solution, or tell you it’s going to be okay if you feel the same way as me. Though here I am, 19 years old and admitting I struggle with my social anxiety in college. With a busy schedule, one thing I find important to fit in is therapy. Who else will tell me I’m not crazy as I go into depth about my dream of the Gumby’s Pizza guy running my statistics lecture at a bar in Midtown?

You know what, life gets really real. I can’t left swipe on the annoying drunk guy at the frat party, and I can’t press skip on any tests. I can’t stop a boy from breaking my heart, and I can’t make people be my friend just because. One thing I will constantly try to do is be active and involved, even when the pit in the stomach tells me to stay in bed or that I can’t deal with large crowds that day.

Being a teenager in today’s society puts a taboo on expectations. We’re told that life is made easy with our technological advances, then we’re told it ruins the way we live. We’re expected to find love in the real world when we can’t even lift our heads from hookup apps. We’re expected to ace our test when our lectures come in dozens by the hour on a far away link. We’re expected to be our happiest and youngest when there’s an internal war going on. So here I am, baggage by the handful.