Flirting. It seems pretty simple when you look at it in retrospect, you spark up a light and fun conversation, and from there, you determine whether or not you want to continue pursuing that person. Sounds easy right?

WELL, NO.

For some unfortunate souls like myself, flirting or talking to a guy that I am crushing on feels harder than running a marathon. I just can't. ESPECIALLY on online dating websites. I get too much in my head and absolutely overthink every single detail to the point where I don't even respond, and then that cute guy that I was semi-interested in is gone forever.

Despite that sad, sad, factor in my life, I would like to think of myself as a witty, outgoing person for the most part. I mean, I have been involved in theatre my entire life, and theatre people are nothing if not conversationalists, so you would think this would be ingrained into me (you would not be correct). I can literally talk to a wall and when I am hanging out with my friends I am completely fine, I feel no sense of social anxiety or anything. I am myself, and I don't even have to think about anything that I am saying or doing, it just comes naturally as any conversation should.

But its like I almost have a chemical imbalance when I am talking to a guy that I am interested in. My brain shuts down and I forget everything important in my life. "So where are you from?" he asks. And in my head I am going, "Wait, where AM I from?" taking about 10 seconds longer to respond then I should, sounding like a ditz. I am not a ditz. I am an intelligent, strong woman who should not be stumbled by the gorgeousness of man. I don't know if it is intimidation or infatuation, maybe both, maybe neither.

But whatever it is, it needs to be gone. I'm over it. BYE. I am almost 20 years old, I need to mature in the romance department and get over myself and actually talk to someone without going into a conversational stroke.

Trying to talk to someone online is even worse. I have tried Tinder, I really have, but it truly never works out for me. I have continuously downloaded and deleted the app, because

A) I will not start the conversation. Yes, I know. Big feminist me, who believes that women are capable of anything and should not base their lives off of a man's approval, have to wait for the man to talk to me first. How pathetic and sad! Trust me, I want to start the conversation. I really do. In fact, one of my new year's resolutions was to get out of my comfort zone, and that talking to guys that I am interested in without flopping is a part of that! And

B) The majority of the men on tinder are just looking for sex. And hey, no shame to the men and women out there looking to get some, I am not judging at all. That is just not really the first thing that I am looking for in my life right now.

Sometimes, you can have this great conversation with someone, and you think they may actually like you, based off of what they have said on the app or on snap chat (because come on, I know you all have "talked" to at least one potential love interest on snap chat. Its shameful, but it happens.) Then, this whole rom-com starts playing in your head, staring you and your partner. You picture a future with this person, long term/short term, whatever it is, it's there.

We all do it.

Then, you receive that dreaded message where they use your now closeness against you, and ask for nudes, or ask you to come over, and you know that it's not just to hang out. Suddenly the credits roll and you've quickly decided that you're over it and deserve better. Then, you delete tinder. My current status with dating apps is hopeful but over it. I think I keep downloading them because as much as I hate to admit it, I enjoy the validation, and I enjoy being complimented. It's good to know at least someone out there thinks you're attractive.

At this point, I am coming to the mature conclusion that I need to get off the bandwagon of the whole online dating thing, and let whatever is going to happen, happen naturally. And in person. That would benefit me in more ways than one. And hey, maybe if I stop hiding behind a screen all the time and talk to more guys that I think are cute or that I am interested in, in person, then maybe I will get better at it. Practice makes perfect, right?