Ghosting People With No Explanation Is Never OK

Ghosting People With No Explanation Is Never OK And We Need To Do Something About It

You aren't just "another option."

330
views

Ghosting has become such a part of our generation — leaving with no reason given and just going on with your life as if someone had never been a part of it. It is a way of getting someone out of your life without experiencing much loss or any of the consequences. I never knew what it was truly like until I experienced it myself — twice in the same season. There were no explanations given. There were no goodbyes or waving as they walked away. There were no opportunities to ask questions or to get the answers that I so badly wanted.

There was no closure, just someone important in my life one day and gone the next.

Things seemed to look fine and we were getting to know each other. I thought we were enjoying it too. There were no warning signs or red flags that I could see. We didn't have any disagreements that I knew of. I just stopped hearing back one day, for no apparent reason. In both situations I thought we were in the middle of something; maybe something special and genuine. I guess I'll never know if it was real, or just in my head. One is slightly more comforting than the other — to think that someone would get to know the real you, they still walk away.

It took me a little while before I realized what had happened because nothing is wrong with wanting space or being busy. But soon days turned into weeks and weeks into months. After being deliberately ignored, I got the picture. I was being avoided. I was being ignored. I was being left — again. I was being ghosted. When someone says "you weren't worth an explanation" with their actions, I won't keep fighting. I may be hurt, but I will not stay.

I will not beg for someone to not leave who doesn't want to. You and I are worth more than that.

I let the two guys just go with no acknowledgment of what had happened, but something changed with the third. I told him I knew what he did and didn't just let him cut off things the easy way. Maybe he had all the clarity he needed, but I needed it too. I needed to know that I at least tried and that he was aware of what he was doing. It's OK to be hurt about it. It's OK to want answers. It's OK to try to have that brave, but awkward conversation. It's OK to be vulnerable and share your heart, even if it's not returned.

People shouldn't be allowed to just delete people like you delete emails out of your inbox. Relationships and humans are valuable and should be treated with respect. It has become far more common and accepted than ever before. Our generation likes to take the easy road — the one without explanation, raw emotions or answers — the one without a proper ending, goodbye or understood silence.

We're all a little too much in a rush to get to the next big thing.

By doing this, we're missing the present, wherever that may be. Becoming devoted and digging in is so important. Let's not stay in the dark corners, but be fully invested into what we do. Being flaky and noncommittal isn't hot. Shouldn't it be all of us or none of us showing up? We are damaging ourselves and potential opportunities or relationships before they even begin. We can't just be in between places and on the edges of people's lives, hoping something better will come along soon.

Not only is that not fair to others, but it is also is not fair to ourselves. We'll miss a lot of things in life if we keep being noncommittal and indecisive. You need people to show up and stay for you, just as people need you to for them.

Truly leaving someone's life (not stalking their online presence anymore) should be a very careful prayed about decision.

People are not a pair of shoes you can just return if you change your mind when you get home. This is a big deal. Don't treat it lightly. I can guarantee you the other person isn't — you mean something to them. Once something happens to you more than once or twice, it seems to leave a permanent print on you. If we aren't careful, these past fingerprints on our life can cause us to be filled completely with fear. "What if the person that loves me for me leaves too?" we may ask. It can easily make us into someone we don't want to be.

Maybe right now we need to learn to trust more (not everyone will be the same) and begin to let things go. We will become lighter without it. As time goes on and you are strengthened by tough times, your grip will start to loosen once again. If I'm ever going to learn to live and love fully, I've got to trust, let go and repeat.

It doesn't happen overnight, but you and I will both get there, in spite of everything that we've been through.

We get to stay. We can't take every piece of pain from people, but we can stand by them. We can stand and stay, even in the silence when we don't have the right words. Life isn't all sunshine, but I don't want to miss showing up in the rain. I need to live in the trusting and calmness — that is where the deep things happen.

No, it won't be perfect, but it'll be progress and perfectly imperfect for me. We are what we choose, not what has happened to us. Remember, you are more than just another option.

Popular Right Now

10 Abnormally Normal Things About College

Some stuff just doesn't fly in the real world.
115752
views

College is a weird, weird place. For whatever reason, the young adults who are supposed to be cultivating their minds with all of the worldly knowledge available to them, seem to get away with quite a bit using the justification "it's college." Even the best students live abnormally while on the alien planet that is a university. So, while to us college students it may just seem like another day, here are ten things that are only normal in college.

1. Straight up theft.

In the future, if I walk into my forty-something-year-old neighbor's home and see a collection of stolen signs, stuff from the local restaurant, and property from the construction site down the road, I would definitely be concerned about the character of my neighbor. However, in college, people proudly display campus signs, traffic cones, or dining hall napkin dispensers that they have impressively commandeered - it's a cheap decoration and a great conversation starter.

2. All-nighters.

Maybe with the exception of parents of little babies, very few people willingly stay up for close to 24 hours on end. In the real world, if a friend came to you and said that they literally did not sleep the previous night, it's completely logical to be worried. On the other hand, when a friend in college says that he was up all night you laugh a little, give him an understanding pat on the back, and walk with him to the coffee line.

3. Atrocious eating habits.

Sometimes you don't have time to eat. Sometimes you order pizza at 2 in the morning. Sometimes you eat three dinners. Sometimes you diet. All I can say, is thank goodness that our metabolisms are decently high at this age.

4. Breaking and entering.

In high school, you hopefully knew everyone who entered your home. After college, hopefully, that's still the case. However, when you live in the middle of thousands of bored college students, people knock at your door, walk into parties, cut through your yard, and stop by without invitation or hesitation. It keeps life fun, but still not normal.

5. Calling mom when stuff goes down.

I really doubt a time will ever come that I don't need to call my mom for guidance on how to do something. But, hopefully the frequency of those calls with go down a little bit post-graduation. Maybe after four years of doing it on my own, I'll know how to fill out government forms, cook real dinners, and get stains out. But for now, I'm going to keep calling while I still can without seeming totally pathetic.

6. Being intoxicated at weird times.

Drunk at noon on a Friday is the quintessence of an alcoholic at any time - unless it's college. Not that this is necessarily a good thing, and it certainly doesn't apply to everyone, but there aren't many other places where people would instantly assume someone is intoxicated if they're acting even a little weird. I've even seen people drink in the library....

7. The messed up dating scene.



There are people who meet the love of their life at college and live happily ever after. They are people who meet the supposed love of their life at college and never talk to them again after Sunday. There are people who use Tinder. Hormones are high, freedom is bountiful, and football players are cute - what else needs to be said?

8. A warped sense of time.

The career I'm pursuing will require me to be at work by 7 am, five days a week. I am fully aware of this. Now, will I enroll in an 8 am next semester? Absolutely not - I'm not a demon. In college, nights often start at 10 p.m., dinners are eaten at 4, and mornings can begin anywhere from 8 to 2. We don't get that whole 9-5 idea.

9. Costumes... for no apparent reason.

High schoolers have a dress code. Adults have dignity. College students have fun. Here, people will wear a corn costume to get on ESPN, a fanny pack to get into a fraternity, or a tutu to match a theme party. Is it actually a weird thing, though? No one even blinks an eye.

10. Insanely close friends.

Name another point in your life when you live with your friends, study with your friends, drive with your friends, eat with your friends, go out with your friends, and even grocery shop with your friends. I'll wait. At college, it's easy for friends to seem like family because you're with them constantly. Love it or hate it, it's weird about college.

So, enjoy this weirdness while you can - it won't last forever!


ALSO SEE:

Uncensored Roommate Confessions!

Cover Image Credit: Matthew Kupfer

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Top Lang Leav Quotes For The Girl In Love

"Who you love and who loves you back determines so much in your life."

73
views

One of my favorite modern poets is Lang Leav because she captures love and loss in a way that's both easy to read but also powerful. Some of her poems seem simple, but they hold such deep meaning when it comes to love, heartbreak and finding yourself. I'm not going to lie to ya'll, some of her heartbreak poems hit pretty hard. But, this isn't about heartbreak, this is about the beautiful feeling we call love.

Here are some of my favorite quotes by Lang Leav about love:

"It's so dark right now, I can't see any light around me.

That's because the light is coming from you. You can't see it but everyone else can."
Love & Misadventure

"You were you,
and I was I;
we were two
before our time.

I was yours
before I knew,
and you have always
been mine too."
Love & Misadventure

"I had my first dream about you last night.
Really? She smiles. What was it about?
I don't remember exactly but the whole time I was dreaming, I knew you were mine."
Love & Misadventure

"I love you, I do -
you have my word.


You have all my words."
Lullabies

"Souls do not have calendars or clocks, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance. They only know it feels right to be with one another."
Love & Misadventure

"It was a quiet love, a tacit love. It came without prelude or preamble. We never said the word love–we didn't have to. It was in our laughter, in the sense of wonder we found in each other. And if we had doubts then, time has told us otherwise."
The Universe of Us

"How much love is a person capable of giving? I thought I knew the answer until I met you."
Sea of Strangers

"When love finds you, it doesn't come as crashing waves or thunderbolts. It appears as a song on the radio or a particular blue in the sky. It dawns on you slowly, like a warm winter sunrise—where the promise of summer shines out from within."
Memories

Be still, my heart.

Whether you're falling in love or already madly in love, these quotes are sure to hit your heartstrings. Not to mention, they make pretty good Instagram captions for all your sappy love pictures!

Related Content

Facebook Comments