Ghosting People With No Explanation Is Never OK

Ghosting People With No Explanation Is Never OK And We Need To Do Something About It

You aren't just "another option."

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Ghosting has become such a part of our generation — leaving with no reason given and just going on with your life as if someone had never been a part of it. It is a way of getting someone out of your life without experiencing much loss or any of the consequences. I never knew what it was truly like until I experienced it myself — twice in the same season. There were no explanations given. There were no goodbyes or waving as they walked away. There were no opportunities to ask questions or to get the answers that I so badly wanted.

There was no closure, just someone important in my life one day and gone the next.

Things seemed to look fine and we were getting to know each other. I thought we were enjoying it too. There were no warning signs or red flags that I could see. We didn't have any disagreements that I knew of. I just stopped hearing back one day, for no apparent reason. In both situations I thought we were in the middle of something; maybe something special and genuine. I guess I'll never know if it was real, or just in my head. One is slightly more comforting than the other — to think that someone would get to know the real you, they still walk away.

It took me a little while before I realized what had happened because nothing is wrong with wanting space or being busy. But soon days turned into weeks and weeks into months. After being deliberately ignored, I got the picture. I was being avoided. I was being ignored. I was being left — again. I was being ghosted. When someone says "you weren't worth an explanation" with their actions, I won't keep fighting. I may be hurt, but I will not stay.

I will not beg for someone to not leave who doesn't want to. You and I are worth more than that.

I let the two guys just go with no acknowledgment of what had happened, but something changed with the third. I told him I knew what he did and didn't just let him cut off things the easy way. Maybe he had all the clarity he needed, but I needed it too. I needed to know that I at least tried and that he was aware of what he was doing. It's OK to be hurt about it. It's OK to want answers. It's OK to try to have that brave, but awkward conversation. It's OK to be vulnerable and share your heart, even if it's not returned.

People shouldn't be allowed to just delete people like you delete emails out of your inbox. Relationships and humans are valuable and should be treated with respect. It has become far more common and accepted than ever before. Our generation likes to take the easy road — the one without explanation, raw emotions or answers — the one without a proper ending, goodbye or understood silence.

We're all a little too much in a rush to get to the next big thing.

By doing this, we're missing the present, wherever that may be. Becoming devoted and digging in is so important. Let's not stay in the dark corners, but be fully invested into what we do. Being flaky and noncommittal isn't hot. Shouldn't it be all of us or none of us showing up? We are damaging ourselves and potential opportunities or relationships before they even begin. We can't just be in between places and on the edges of people's lives, hoping something better will come along soon.

Not only is that not fair to others, but it is also is not fair to ourselves. We'll miss a lot of things in life if we keep being noncommittal and indecisive. You need people to show up and stay for you, just as people need you to for them.

Truly leaving someone's life (not stalking their online presence anymore) should be a very careful prayed about decision.

People are not a pair of shoes you can just return if you change your mind when you get home. This is a big deal. Don't treat it lightly. I can guarantee you the other person isn't — you mean something to them. Once something happens to you more than once or twice, it seems to leave a permanent print on you. If we aren't careful, these past fingerprints on our life can cause us to be filled completely with fear. "What if the person that loves me for me leaves too?" we may ask. It can easily make us into someone we don't want to be.

Maybe right now we need to learn to trust more (not everyone will be the same) and begin to let things go. We will become lighter without it. As time goes on and you are strengthened by tough times, your grip will start to loosen once again. If I'm ever going to learn to live and love fully, I've got to trust, let go and repeat.

It doesn't happen overnight, but you and I will both get there, in spite of everything that we've been through.

We get to stay. We can't take every piece of pain from people, but we can stand by them. We can stand and stay, even in the silence when we don't have the right words. Life isn't all sunshine, but I don't want to miss showing up in the rain. I need to live in the trusting and calmness — that is where the deep things happen.

No, it won't be perfect, but it'll be progress and perfectly imperfect for me. We are what we choose, not what has happened to us. Remember, you are more than just another option.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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To My Dog In Her Old Age, Your Day Is Soon Approaching–Until Then, Let's Spend All The Time We Can Together

I will never take our time for granted

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14 years have come and gone with my best friend by my side. I couldn't have asked for a better companion to grow up with. There's nothing in this world that beats the feeling of coming home to a wagging tail, and it's something that should never be taken for granted.

You are definitely not the same dog you used to be now that you're getting older. You used to love going for walks, but now you pout every time I pull out the leash. You used to run around and bark whenever someone came home, but now we're lucky if you can even hear the door open.

You wobble when you walk and sometimes you slip and fall, but you get right back up again and brush it off. You sleep for most of the day and the most exciting part of your day is eating. You are officially a senior dog, which means your time to go will be here before you know it.

But I don't pay attention to how much you've changed. I only focus on the puppy that you still are. You still play and chase your tail. You still get super excited to see me after being home alone all day. You still love long car rides with the windows down so you can try to bite the other cars as they drive by.

You may be 14 years old, but you've never outgrown your puppy personality. At least now you don't chew holes in the couch.

You are a dog, and dogs are here to make us happy. They are here to make us feel less alone. And you have done just that. You have spent your whole life making me and my family as happy as we could be. You have gone everywhere with us to make sure that we are happy no matter what. By simply existing, you have made me happier than I've ever been. You did your job, and you did it well.

Every day brings us closer to the day you'll say goodbye forever. And when that day comes, it will be devastating for everyone who loved you. But that day isn't here yet, so until then, let's spend all the time we can together.

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