Somewhere along the way, something happened, and it gave you a sibling with special needs. Having a sibling like this is a unique situation; while I would take away all of the hardship, adversities, and frustrations from my brother if I could, I am so very thankful for the special bond we have and the lessons I have learned.

Here are some of the things I’ve learned along the way and that you probably have or will if you have a sibling that’s a little extra special.

Never give up.

When my brother Jake was born deaf and with cerebral palsy, the doctors told my parents he would never walk, talk, sit up, or even eat on his own. Thanks to therapists, the hard work of my parents, Jake’s perseverance, and the support of family and friends, Jake doesn’t just walk; he ran his first 5k with my dad and me on Memorial Day this year. Jake talks; he will talk your ear off all day if you’ve got the time. Jake sits up; how else would he play video games all day? Jake eats on his own; like any 19-year-old growing boy, he eats us out of house and home. Even when my family could have accepted what the doctors predicted about Jake’s future, even when the odds were against him, we never gave up.

Frustration is real, but perseverance will get you through.

Cerebral palsy affects Jake’s movements; he has the hardest time with fine motor movements. Just yesterday I sat and watched Jake complete a model of the White House. It took him hours, when it probably would have taken an average Joe maybe a little more than an hour to complete. I saw him struggle when he couldn’t get the pieces to fit together perfectly. I saw his arm involuntarily jerk, knocking the entire thing into pieces. I saw him slam down his fist in frustration and hang his head in his hands, only to start rebuilding it a minute later. He finally finished it. His frustrations are many, but his perseverance and determination will always outweigh them. Try hard, try again, and you will eventually get there.

Don’t let your limitations define you, but accept them and learn to work around them.

There are some things Jake just can’t physically do; right now, Jake can’t drive a car. This really limits Jake’s freedom. As frustrating as it is for him, Jake makes light of it. He jokes about driving us home from dinner out or when one of us is too tired to drive. He hopes for future technology that will change his current limitation, but he has come to terms with it. To make it more enticing to have people drive him to where he needs to go, Jake has made himself hands down the best passenger ever. He knows all of the rules of the road and will tell you if you are about to make an illegal U-turn. He doesn’t listen to music that much, so he never fights over the radio with the driver. Even though he is deaf, he dances to his own beat and will play the dashboard drums while you rock your steering wheel tambourine. He also never judges your singing abilities or lack thereof. He is a human GPS and will tell you directions to anywhere you want to go. He can’t drive, but he’ll make you want to drive him anywhere and take him with you every time.

You find out who your friends are.

Have friends at school or someone you really like? Bring them home, and let them meet your sibling. Now, being nervous around someone with special needs, especially if the person has never really been exposed to someone with special needs, is one thing. Especially when I first meet someone and tell them how much I love my brother and how close I am with him, people get a little nervous on how to act. That should go away; maybe the person needs to have a conversation with you and/or your sibling to figure out how to act (the answer is act the same way you normally do) or whatnot. Usually after explaining the situation and encouraging them to ask questions, that nervousness goes away. If the person is downright mean, rude, or asks, “Can’t we go somewhere your sibling isn’t?” you know exactly what kind of person he/she is. I’ve actually asked people to leave my house because they could accept me but were mean to my little brother.

I’ve got one thing to say to them: your loss.

Okay, and screw off.

The good friends and people in your life embrace everything about you, including your family, even if your family is a little different.

Unconditional love is a real thing.

You and your sibling go through a lot together: trials and triumphs, ups and downs, goals and setbacks. The most important thing is that you go through them together. You’re there when he/she gets bullied (as much as you want to, beating up that bully is not conducive). You’re there when they reach a milestone in progress. He/she is there for you, too, to share in your milestones, show you love when you absolutely need it most, and to always be your biggest fan. Growing up you had to do things differently, but that only made your bond stronger and the two of you closer. You know what brings each other joy, you know how to push each other’s buttons, but know that nothing you could do to each other will ever change the love you have for one another. You know how to bring each other up and that supporting each other in everything is essential. You know unconditional love.

Again, would I trade everything in the world so Jake wouldn’t have the needs he has? Yes, a million times, yes. Would I be the same person I am today if he wasn’t this way? No. Am I forever grateful for the things he has taught me and what we’ve learned along the way? ABSOLUTELY.

Dedicated to my best friend, number one fan, and biggest pain in the butt.