If you want to know how I got to where I am today or how I became the woman I am now, I encourage you to take a long look at my past relationships and the boys I loved, who loved me, and who ultimately left me behind. Now most articles talking about exes are the type that choose to trash the guys who walked away as losers or abusive or complete psychopaths who left beautiful, but damaged women in their wake. I'm not saying I don't prescribe to this post break-up girl power stereotype to some degree, but my story is so much more about me and the person I've evolved to be. So I'd like to take a minute to make a very different type of shout out to my ex(es).
Shout out to my ex.
Because of you I will always hesitate when someone new comes into my life. Because of you, I will doubt that people mean what they say or that someone could actually promise me forever. I will think to myself that I am not pretty enough, too emotional, or am a complicated mess who doesn’t deserve love. I will start of each new relationship with anxiety and fear when I used to run into them with a free and open heart diving head first.
But because of you, I will know that people can be deliriously in love. I will know that no matter what I look like someone can look at me like I am the sexiest creature on earth. Because of you will search for that kind of love again, but this time look for one with a steady beat instead of a racing pulse.
Shout out to my ex.
Because of you, I have realized that someone can be exactly what you want on paper. Someone could have everything you think you're looking for and still be wrong for you. Because of you, I have realized that settling for less than what I actually want or need is not okay, for either of us. Because of you I realized that I can fall in love with a family, a lifestyle, the idea of the future but know that it will never be enough without the right person. Because of you, I will know what it's like to truly love a best friend and the pain of letting it go when you know it's not right and truly wishing someone well. Because of you, I will realize that some differences are too great and I can't change who I am to make someone else love me. I should never have to and neither should you.
Shout out to my ex.
Who isn't an ex at all. Because of you I have learned that timing really is everything. Because of you, I know that you can almost love someone. I also learned that you can truly hurt someone even if you aren't in love. Because of you I can understand true forgiveness and acceptance, Because of you I know that some people come into our lives for a specific reason and for a certain time but are simply not meant to stay. Because of you, I know that you don't need a great love story to make a lasting impact on someone.
Shout out to my ex(es). for making and breaking me. Shout out to the guys who have impacted my life and helped me write my story. You have made me a better writer, a better girlfriend, a better person. You have taught me so much about myself, my own wants and needs and the different aspects I am looking for in the person who I love forever who will never be one of you.
And shout out to the boy who loves me next, may I love you better than I loved the exes and may you never become one. I'm still looking for you.
