How many times have you seen someone who was a victim of self-harm, looked at their appearance or lifestyle and thought to yourself: "Typical." Because if someone likes to wear dark clothes or they listen to a different type of music, then of course they self-harm, right? Or, my favorite, if someone self-harms, they just want attention, right? So so so so so wrong.
There are so many reasons why people self-harm and to be honest, nine times out of ten, it is NOT to get attention.
I am a cheerful person. I wear brightly colored clothes. I love country music. I'm in a sorority. I love being around others. I care about my future. I have several passions. Do I fit into your stereotype?
I've struggled with self-harm since I was 13 years old (sorry mom and dad). Self-harm is something that affects so many people--people you wouldn't even imagine. So, please stop categorizing people and take the time to learn about what those around you go through on a daily basis. Self-harm is NOT a stereotype!
What is it like to struggle with self-harm? It's like moving away from home and finding out all of the responsibilities that come with it--freeing at first, but ultimately terrifying. The one thing that gives you control eventually traps you and you lose the control you thought you had. But you can't stop because you finally found something that makes everything disappear, even for just a moment. You can't tell anyone--because who would understand? It's your own dirty little secret and you thrive on that. It doesn't matter what happens to you because, ultimately, you have control over how much you hurt; until your secret begins to control you.
Eventually, the satisfaction of controlling how you feel fades away because what was enough yesterday isn't enough today. That's when you begin to lose the control. That's when it gets scary. But you're so far in, it's like there's no way out. You know you can't get out alone but who could you possibly go to?
It gets to a point where you just have to tell someone; it HAS to end. But life as you know it will never be the same and that is just as terrifying. Once someone else knows about your secret, it will never be the same. You will never be looked at the same, and you know it. You have to think about what the greater evil is, and it may take a while to pick the one that involves getting help.
To the person who doesn't know what this struggle feels like:
Please don't judge. If you know that someone is struggling or has struggled with self-harm, understand that they are going through something you will never be able to wrap your mind around. Don't add to their stresses, just be there for them.
And to the person self-harming, here's some advice from the other side:
You will be stronger, but it will never completely go away. That voice will always be there. You just learn to push it away. Your hard days will be even harder because your go-to coping strategy is no longer there. Yes, people will look at you differently once they know but if they're people that matter, it will be okay. Yes, you will be treated like you have a sign on your forehead that says "handle with care" but eventually you'll find a new normal. People will learn that you are not broken, and they will stop treating you like you are. People will always want to double check on you when they know you're going through something tough but you learn to deal with it. You can get through this, and you will be okay. Don't be afraid to find the help you need--you are not alone. I share my story to help you through yours.
