Being bipolar sucks. It really and truly sucks. I am well aware that phrasing it that way sounds juvenile and unprofessional at best, but it's the truth, and the truth surrounding mental illness should never be sugarcoated. Having bipolar is a roller-coaster ride. I have my ups and my downs. Sometimes I don't realize my ups for what they are until I am on the way down.
Bipolar looks different on everyone. For me, my up cycles come with killer motivation, better than normal energy, faster speech (sometimes), crazy multitasking and bouts of hyperactivity. My down cycles are just as unique. My energy is worse than normal, my focus is shot, I am far more withdrawn than my usual introverted self, my motivation hits bottom and I overall don't function as well as I need to or as well as I'd like. At the peak of each cycle I am more irritable than normal and stupid stuff gets me worked up emotionally, whether that be someone hanging up on me at work, or my brain replaying conversations from years and years ago (that happens a lot).
The best (and easiest) way that I've found to cope with my bipolar, especially in the middle of an up or down cycle, is consistency and familiarity and escapism. For me, the best combination of consistency, escapism and familiarity is found in TV - specifically the TNT drama "Rizzoli & Isles."
"Rizzoli & Isles" chronicles the lives and careers of Boston Homicide Detective Jane Rizzoli and Dr. Maura Isles, the chief medical examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Together with Detective Vince Korsak, Detective Barry Frost, Frankie Rizzoli (Jane's brother), Angela Rizzoli (Jane's mother), and Detective Nina Holliday (as well as fantastic cast of other characters), Jane and Maura work together to keep the streets of Boston safe. Super bland summary, I know, but it's the best way to accurately and succinctly describe the show that brings me so much stability and comfort on days when I'm down and so much joy and familiarity on good days and normal days.
I see myself so much in multiple characters on that show. I'm Jane when it comes to family and friends (and coffee). I'm Maura when it comes to dating, romance, "useless facts," and retail therapy. I see myself in Frankie when it comes to wanting to prove myself and be the best I can be. I see myself in Frost when it comes to dedication to my work and what I am passionate about. I'm Nina when it comes to wanting to fit in and be accepted.
Not only do I see myself in the characters, I find stability and comfort in the plot and story-lines. I know it sounds weird to find comfort in a crime drama, when the majority of each episode is based on crime and violence, and all together bad/not comforting situations, but it reminds me that regardless of what is going on around me, what negative forces and scenarios are in play, at the end of the day, everything is going to work out.
To that point, I want to take a moment to reach out to and thank the cast and crew of "Rizzoli & Isles."
To Ms. Angie Harmon: Thank you for being a positive role model and an inspiration. Thank you for being so openly devoted to your daughters and your convictions. Your open expressions and statements of faith give me hope. Your open love and admiration for your daughters reminds me of my mom. I admire your commitment to you family and your ability to balance your family and your career. I admire how you stand up for your convictions. I have so much else I could say, but I would be rambling. For lack of better phrasing, thank you for giving me hope and reminding me that regardless of what life brings, faith, family and friends will always be a source of strength that I can draw on. I owe so much of the last 5 years to you. Thank you!
To Ms. Sasha Alexander: Thank you for showing me that one role, one part of your life, does not define the entirety of it, but rather only that part. I admire your ability to do/follow what is best for you and your family. I remember watching you as Special Agent Todd in NCIS (I still watch it regularly) and I remember when I first realized that you were also Dr. Maura Isles. Your versatility in your career is inspiring and reminds me that even when you love what you do, sometimes you need a change of pace, a slight shift in the environment. Your ability to present a broad range of emotion and depth is amazing and speaks to the importance of being true to yourself and your feelings. Seeing you on screen makes me smile each and every time. Thank you!
To Mr. Jordan Bridges: Your portrayal of Frankie perfectly captures the sibling experience and gives me some insight into how my younger sisters might feel at times. Your dedication to the causes you support is amazing and brings me hope that someday causes like mental heath awareness will reach the mainstream media/level. Thank you for that.
To the Family and Friends of Mr. Lee Thompson Young: Thank you for all you do to support mental health awareness. Lee's memory and legacy gives me strength on my darkest days. I think about all that he was able to accomplish during his life despite or perhaps because of his struggle with mental illness/Bipolar and depression and I remember that my bipolar is not a limitation, but rather a spring board from which to launch my dreams. I am so grateful for everything you do for the mental health community and for keeping Lee's memory and legacy alive.
I have so much more I could say to all of the cast and crew, but I'll leave it at this; it's an honor and a priviledge to be able to communicate this with you. As a fan, I will say this - I would love to hear back from you or someday have a chance to meet you. You all have had such a major influence on my life and have helped me through the hardest times of my life. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Now, if I may please be excused, I have a coffee date with Detective Rizzoli and Dr. Isles to get to. (Don't worry, its not instant ;) )
