Recently, I read an article by a fellow Odyssey writer. The article was titled, "Why We Need To Stop Shaming The Girl Who Is 'Always' With Her Boyfriend". The author had some interesting points, and I appreciated her perspective. However, I completely disagree with what she was saying.
Like the author, I am in a long term relationship, for about six years now. My fiance is my best friend. He supports me, comforts me and makes me laugh like no one else can. That being said, he isn't my whole world.
I have been very intentional in this. I have deliberately preserved my friendships over the years, because I was very aware that my relationship with him might fail. That is what the author doesn't seem to take into consideration. That boyfriend can leave at any moment. Who is going to be there to pick up the pieces of your broken heart if you forsook all of your friendships for him? Probably not the same friends you left behind.
People who are married are treated differently because of their marital status. They are committed to one another. He (hopefully) isn't going anywhere. Additionally, they are figuring out how to be married. That is a process which takes a lot of time and dedication. However, married people still need external friendships. Just because they become each other's number one priority does not make them the only priority. This is another situation in which it is important that you preserved those friendships during your time dating one another. You will need that support in your marriage.
"It seems like girls are the only ones so concerned with the amount of time devoted to boyfriends," the article stated. "I'm not really sure what exactly makes girls act this way — are they simply sad they don't get to see their friend as much? Are they jealous? Do they dislike the boyfriend, even if they've said the opposite? I'm truly not sure. What I do know is that it's rare for a guy to tell a girl she's spending too much time with her boyfriend."
For the record, I know of several guys who would say this to a female friend. But I primarily want to address why friends act this way. Yes, they are sad and jealous. Maybe they don't like him, either. They are sad because they miss their friend and they are jealous because the boyfriend is taking up all of your time. The more plans you skip out on or cancel, the less they are going to invite you, until eventually there isn't a friendship anymore.
If they are true friends, they want nothing more than for you to be happy. They aren't shaming you, they just miss you. And if you're a good friend, you'll find a way to balance your relationship with your friendships. It's hard, but the reward is so worth it.
