As a girl, announcing that you're in a relationship with a new guy is like being set up for failure. We're put up against a lot of speculation. What kind of person is he? What are his goals? Is he a bum? Once friends and family confirm he's acceptable, the speculation transforms. It then turns into more questions. Does she make time for her friends anymore? Is she with him again? Why does she always have to be with him? And etc.
I'm not afraid to say I'm the girl who is always with her boyfriend. My boyfriend is my love and my better half, and at the end of the day, he's my best friend. If I see a hilarious cat video, I'm going to send it to him. If I have a bad day and need a hug, I'm going to go to him. If I need someone to share a 2 a.m. pizza with, guess what? It's gonna be with him.
The bulk of the boyfriend shame comes from girlfriends. Although they do it because they love you and miss having you around, it still stings when they say things like, "well you were with him so we couldn't go get ice cream with you," or "well, you're always with him so we just didn't ask if you wanted to go shopping."
The thing is, we're at the point in life where our significant others could very well end up being our husbands or wives. I refuse to feel bad for wanting to spend the bulk of my time with the person who makes me feel happiest, the person who makes me laugh the most, the person who ultimately makes me feel at home.
Something often overlooked is when a couple is married, the shaming stops. Society's common belief is that it's okay for a husband and wife to spend all of their time together, but if two people are simply dating, then they should not be spending so much time together. A change in status shouldn't dictate what is and isn't okay; what makes you feel good and happy should.
Another common thing I don't think people realize is no one says this to the guy in the relationship. Other than when a guy's bros are messing around and giving him a hard time, no one seriously tells a guy that he's spending too much time with his girl. It's actually considered sweet and romantic when a guy spends the bulk of his time with his girlfriend. Seriously, why is this?
It seems like girls are the only ones so concerned with the amount of time devoted to boyfriends. I'm not really sure what exactly makes girls act this way — are they simply sad they don't get to see their friend as much? Are they jealous? Do they dislike the boyfriend, even if they've said the opposite? I'm truly not sure. What I do know is that it's rare for a guy to tell a girl she's spending too much time with her boyfriend.
Instead of tearing each other down like girls all too often do, we should be building each other up. This is already such a problem among girls in several other areas — body shaming, slut shaming, food shaming, etc. It makes me sad to see girls go through this because they're doing what makes them happiest. Spending time with the person who makes you feel the best shouldn't be something to be ashamed of or to feel bad about.
My boyfriend is my rock. I know I can count on him to help me in any situation. I know that he can make me laugh when I feel like crying. I know that he's down to drive 15 minutes to the nearest Kroger on a Monday night to get ice cream (this has happened). As Meredith Grey would put it, he's my person.
And to be clear, this isn't to say that I don't love my girlfriends, because I do. They're also my people, just in slightly different ways. I'm also not saying that girls should only spend time with their boyfriends; other friends and family are important as well. However, spending the bulk of the time with a boyfriend is not a bad thing.
As a society, we need to stop shaming girls for always being with their boyfriends because if we're doing that, we're shaming them for being truly happy. Each person is entitled to live the way they want to live, and if a girl is happiest when she's with her boyfriend, then who are you to judge that? It's her life to live.
