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Put Ruhspek On The Game

Lookin' at You NASCAR...

Aug 22, 2016

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Put Ruhspek On The Game

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1. Hands off!

I know hitting a baseball with a bat can be hard. Imagine doing it with your feet.

Soccer players (goalkeeper making the exception to the rule) come together and agree to remove their most commonly used tools (hands and arms) from the field of play (not literally).

(See how tough you look with those rulesfootball...)

2. It's simpler than your sport...unless you don't actually play a sport.

Soccer is just a bunch of people running around in a street or a yard or a field kicking a rock. Simple.

Basketball needs a hard surface (no beach basketball). Football needs pads to avoid confusion of a thuggish brawl. Baseball needs a stick, a glove and a vivid imagination.

But what about *names another activity*? Probably not a sport. State your case in the comments if you want to pretend like I read it.)

3. Cardio

If I had to bet (this is a clever way of not citing a source for arbitrary information), soccer players probably average seven miles of movement during a game, not including keepers. I bet some run even more...don't believe me? Look it up.

4. Still not convinced? Didn't think so.

Need a bruschetta chicken pasta recipe/YouTube tutorial? I know you too well. Bon Appétit, vous avez le corps d'un chien et le qi d'une durée de cinq ans. Didn't know I could speak French? Maybe I can't, maybe you're just getting mind fucked by an Arab. Airy fe dameerak.

5. "It gets the people goin.'"

Anyway, up next in sports-related-whatever-the-fucks, I'm gonna talk about croquet. You guys, it's really fucking intense.

*sneak peak*

Balls and Super Smash Bros. Weapons! Talk about NSFW! (Never Sell Feminists Waffles).

P.S. Don't think I forgot about the tutorial video for that recipe...I'll feed you baby birds.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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