Why Men Feel As If They Own Women's Space And How To Take It Back

Why Men Feel As If They Own Women's Space And How To Take It Back

You can't always blame the man because it's been conditioned into them.
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Men these days don't see the power they have over women. I'm going to tell y'all a story about, let's call him Cam, and how he felt he had more rights to my space that I did.

I was sitting in class and Cam was sitting on the complete opposite side. I heard rumors about him being very pushy and forward, but hadn't experienced it myself, so I kept a pretty neutral opinion of him, until my professors assigned us partners to work with. I got assigned to work with Cam for the rest of the class. So I looked to see if he was going to come to me (I had space next to me) but he didn't move, so I got up to got to him (nbd). I sit next to him and begin to start on our assignment, to which he barely participates in. And honestly, that worked for me because I am an independent worker anyways.

So, there I am sitting there doing the assignment when he moves his arm onto my desk. I was perplexed, but studies show men feel entitled to more space than women so I brushed it off. His arm wasn't really bothering me...except it was. Why are you on my desk, in my space? I thought it to be very rude and scooched my desk over, trying to be subtle. Nope, it did nothing. Then he begins to stare at me, odd behavior yes, but not a crime. I brush my hair (which luckily is super thick and long) over my shoulder to hide my face. He then has the audacity to move my hair out of my face. He touched my hair without permission. He was on my desk without permission. He begins hitting on me, even with all my fuck off signals. When he touched my hair I told him not to touch me. He was like, "but you're so pretty, I just wanted to see you."

Here's the problem, my teachers also saw him doing all this stuff...and did nothing to help me. They did nothing but stare. I was on the very edge of my seat, leaning away and they made me sit by him for the rest of the class. I even complained to a friend, after class in front of them. They still did nothing.

And what can I do? Nothing. Because men feel as if they have more rights over space and your own body than you do.

Men feel as though they have more rights over my space (a woman's space) than I do. It's crazy. You can't even always blame the man because it's been conditioned into them. I have to tell my boyfriend ALL the time that he's being domineering. He gets so upset and apologizes. He doesn't even realize it until I point it out though. Cam wouldn't care if I pointed it out. My boyfriend does because he says it helps him grow and learn as a person and as a man, but not all men care about learning and women's experience.

And I know what guys are going to say...not all men do what you are describing, but here's a new fun fact for you.

It's all women.

Every single one of us had or will have an experience like this, where men try to dominate you. They try to make you passive. And sadly, I fell into it with Cam. I didn't make a scene. or correct him like I did with my boyfriend. Even the next day, when Cam ran to catch up with me and talk to me, I just walked slightly ahead, silent. I wish I would've told him that he was walking too close, that he was invading my personal space. But I didn't.

So here's my thesis or point of this whole story...act against this kind of behavior. I promise you when I see him next and he's getting in my space, I'll tell him and explain why it's wrong. I won't be passive, I'll be active and I'll stand up for myself, taking my space and body back.

No man will ever make me feel small, choice-less, and less than him again. It already happened with a boy a few years ago, I won't continue to let Cam make me feel like that.

And neither should you, because women are equal and deserve just as much as men, and that includes space.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.

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Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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(12/10) We Went Out, Then I Guess You Fell Off The Planet Or Something

Boo, looks like another one bites the dust.

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I'm going to preface this article by saying that while it is written from a heteronormative standpoint, it can apply to any single person who's done you dirty. So no matter your identity you know the feeling when you feel it.

Picture this: you've gone on a wonderful date or three, you talked nonstop and wow maybe there's something here. The little insects start to crawl around and you find yourself thinking about it in class. You sit in your room thinking about what-ifs and new date ideas and you actually wear nice clothes around campus. He texts you saying how fantastic it was and starts talking about future dates.

Then it happens. His texts become far and few, and then they stop.

And you sit there wondering what you possibly did. Was I too aggressive? Was I not aggressive enough? Did I eat too much food? Talk through the movie? Did I not apply enough makeup? You start to spiral and feel like you're not good enough. Your stomach sinks and you begin to accept the fact that you're just going to die alone with 18 goats and seven cats.

Someone call Ghostbusters because you just got ghosted. No explanation, no reason. Maybe he got into a freak accident, "Mean Girls" style. Even though it's not a heartbreak, and you tell yourself he's not worth it, you can't help but put it in your pocket and hold onto those feelings of insecurity and sadly, loneliness. "Thank U, Next" starts playing but you can't stop that feeling, and it sucks, a lot. You feel a bit hopeless and decide to become a hermit and swear off men for good.

So please if you go on a date, and you're not feeling it, BE HONEST!! Just tell them so they don't sit around and wait hoping you'll text them saying you were buried alive somewhere and just got out, and that's why you didn't respond to their texts. Just say "hey, you're great, but I don't see this going anywhere." You stop wasting your time and theirs so that you all can move on to the next, or not.

I used to ghost, until it happened to me, and I realized how toxic it is. It's awful and just knocks us down a confidence peg that it already in place due to social constructions of beauty. I already feel like garbage about the pimple on my face, and now you can't respond to my texts? I must be ugly or something, like damn.

Maybe I'm oversensitive, but I believe actions and words go hand in hand. Don't act like everything's fine and then the next it's not. I'm left here confused and disgruntled, wondering where I went wrong, texting my friends who can't even tell me because nobody can, except you, the only other person there. The one who can't even give me common decency to tell me I was too extra for them.

It's so hard to think, but its not your fault. Stop going on the dating apps trying to find another one, and just work on yourself. Go get your nails done, go hiking or read a great book. Remember that you are enough and a million ghosts will never ever take that away from you.

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