I hate knowing that you are suffering right now. I hate knowing that your brain is attacking such a wonderful and innocent soul that does not deserve any of the pain it is giving. It breaks me to know that this is a constant thing that you have to deal with. I hate that the only relief that you tend to have is when you are sitting in a dark room alone in bed. All I want to do is hold you, but I know it would just scare you and make things worse. I sometimes feel hopeless because I want to give you so much, but I can't. I feel powerless because I can't just snap my fingers and make your brain calm down, no matter how hard I try. I feel like it is my job to pick you up and make everything better, but I know it just isn't possible. I know there is nothing nobody could do to help. If I could find any sort of solution to make everything better, I would. I know it is hard for me to understand, but I am working on it.
I need you to know that I still love you, no matter how lost and broken you may feel. I need you to know that I do not know you for your illness. I know you as a human, not an emotion you may be feeling. You are NOT your illness, no matter what your brain may tell you on the worst of days.
What you are going through is only temporary. Though this happens often, these episodes only last a short time. I know you tell yourself this a lot, but I believe me telling you this when an episode strikes will be encouragement so you know things will get better.
Please do not get upset if I do not understand what is happening. I try my very best to be understanding, but sometimes I may try to help too much and it ends up overwhelming you. Do not be afraid to tell me what you need or do not need, and if you need me to leave you be. I want you to be back on your feet as soon as you can and I want you to be pain free, even if it means having me go out and get you coffee when I am an hour away. I also know that not every breakdown is the same, and your needs vary for each one. Please, if you can, tell me what I can do. All I need in the end is to know that you will be okay, even if it means me leaving you alone until you are.
Never forget that I love YOU, and everything YOU have, even if you have a so called "imperfection". At the end of the day, I will still care for you more than you will ever know.
