In my sophomore year of high school, about two weeks before classes actually started, my mom drove me to my school and dropped me off, telling me to “have fun”. I was fairly certain I wasn’t about to have fun. She was taking me out of my theatre world- making me miss the fall musical- to join the cross country team. I had no idea what I was in for, but my junior and senior year of high school, I found myself going back to that first day of practice.
Each season, I slowly improved, usually finding myself at a standstill in my training towards the end of the season. It was a combination of a physical and mental block and I always struggled through. Being the last runner on the team constantly was the biggest discouragement I could possibly get– that is until I realized what running was to me.
It started as just a way to get in shape, but running ended up being an escape. For the entirety of the season, I had something to look forward to after class. If I had a bad day, I could let my mind clear on my run. If I had a good day, I would be in high spirits and take on the workout with a smile on my face.
Being last taught me to be mentally tough. It’s hard to watch everyone finish so far ahead of you, and it’s discouraging to be the last one on your team done with a workout. I’ve learned that I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself. I am my biggest competition. I have the power to control how I race, and I have the power to accept a bad race and push myself to do better next time.
When you get to the point where you stop comparing your performance to another athlete's, you open up a new door for yourself. You allow yourself to improve. It is nearly impossible to focus on yourself when the mile time of another runner is your biggest concern.
Sure it sucks to be last on your team, or in the race itself, but eventually knowing that you are running your hardest, and actually finishing a college race, is worth more than the place you finish in. When I finally realized this for myself, my take on cross country shifted. I stopped being afraid of joining my college team, and I took the risk. I made the best decision because I wouldn’t trade my experience as a college athlete for the world.
Like with all things, don’t let a bad race impact an entire season. One race does not define your season, there is room to improve and PR. You may remain last on your team, as I have, but once you begin to surpass yourself and your expectations for yourself, you are capable of anything.
I guess my mom’s right sometimes, because here I am still running, now for my college team. Last place, and still running.
