When you dedicate so much of yourself to a certain activity, it sort of becomes a part of you. Everyday practices, mindful eating, excessive hydrating, and constant exhaustion is the life of an athlete.
Some people spend their entire lives dedicated to a single sport, while others don't find their passion until they enter high school. Regardless, a specific bond is cultivated between the athlete and their sport. Even if they only join the sport for the fun of it and not necessarily for the competition, they often find themselves experiencing a special sort of attachment to it.
I was never a competitive person. My parents didn’t have the money to put me in sports as a kid, so I was never especially athletic. The decision to join track and cross country in high school was purely for the sake of making friends, not for competition or drive.
So I never would have imagined that I would actually become so invested in a sport. I found myself trying to change my habits — such as eating cleaner, drinking more water, and getting more sleep — so I could become a better athlete. I always tried to keep fit during the off season, and I would count down the days until each meet, with a specific goal in mind each time. I listed my personal records on my phone and calculated what I needed to do to beat them. Even though I was active in many other recreational activities, my sport was probably one of my biggest priorities.
But by the time I got to my senior year, I was faced with a hard-hitting question: was I going to continue my sport after high school?
I never struggled with an answer. I knew I wasn’t. I knew I wasn’t on the collegiate level because I barely had started the sport in high school. Truthfully, I wasn’t too heart broken about it. Although I loved my sport, I didn’t see professional running in my future at all. Given that I had grown up without doing anything remotely competitive, I just didn’t have the natural drive, and I was okay with that.
Fast forward to the end of senior year: after going to my last practice, running my last race at sections, and realizing that I was never going to do any of it again, I did feel quite empty. I realized I was never going to practice with my amazing teammates ever again. Never again was I going to anxiously wait on the starting line to hear the “ready...set,” and the blank of a gun. I realized I was separating from something that had unintentionally become such a large part of me.
And going into college made it even more difficult. It’s truly strange seeing the collegiate athletes of the sport you played in high school and thinking: “I used to be one of you.” It felt foreign to not practice every day. Not to be laughing with your teammates. Not to be anticipating your next meet. For years I was able to describe myself as an athlete, and suddenly I couldn't do that anymore. It was like living an entirely different life.
It hurts a little bit to see my beloved track spikes just sitting in my closet, never to be worn again.There are days when I have a longing to be racing on the track again, to catch up with the life I once lived. I’m all about moving forward, but some days, I do look back.
But I've realized that what my sport gave me throughout the journey is something will always live on for me. I found strength and confidence through running, and it is something I will forever be thankful for. I ended my running career amicably, and I was satisfied with my strong finish. I still am.
There are so many people who are in the exact same boat that I am in. No longer doing the sport you dedicated so much of yourself to can feel like a harsh breakup, and it can be hard to adjust to life without it. But if I learned anything from my sport, it’s that I can be successful in anything as long as I have enough passion. So maybe instead of leaving my trusty track spikes in the closet, I’ll hang them on my wall — in memory of some of my best years, and as a symbol for the passion that will always live on.
