Dear _______________,

First I want to apologize, because I do not know your name. I feel like that's the first thing that happens when someone loses their innocence: they become a label, and society forgets that they are a person with their own life, their own goals, and not just a victim of rape.

I want you to know that the times ahead will be rough — I will not sugarcoat any truths, and I know that you have already gone through a lot. Personally, I respect the strength that you have to push through this horrible thing that happened to you, and I don't even know you. I cannot imagine what pain, what insecurities may be casting a shadow on your life right now.

Don't read the comments. Whatever people have to say about what happened to you, ultimately it does not matter. There will be people who blame you for this despicable act: they are wrong. I'm sorry if you hear "oh she was drinking underage, she deserves it." As angering as that comment can be, you cannot let people's insensitivity make you feel guilty about something that is not your fault. Other people may blame the RA, FA, campus administrators, or anyone else who may have had something to do with the environment for this happening. It is not their fault or your fault, and playing the blame game helps nobody.

Even in this letter, it irritates me that I must dedicate a section to this "man" who did what he did. You, me, and society all want to call him horrible names and cast stones at him for his inexcusable actions. But you have to remember: every person must atone for their sins, whether you believe in a deity or not. You might want to run from the idea of him, or you might have thoughts of killing him. Every person has their own methods of coping, and you are not in the wrong for any way you feel about this "man." I can only tell you that one day, when you find it in your heart to forgive him, you will be free.

A man who did what he did can never call himself a man. I dare not guess your emotional state; you could be mortified, depressed, angry, or indifferent. It is a roller coaster that all victims must take the unfortunate ride on, but always know that someone is there for you. Someone to talk to. Someone to look you in your eyes and tell you "Hey, I'm here for you, everything will be okay." Someone to listen when all you want to do is cry until there are no more tears. Someone to hold you up when all you feel like doing is crumble.

You are not alone.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know the light seems faint, like an old incandescent bulb struggling to flicker on in the basement of your heart. But much like that light bulb has the potential to scare away the shadows, so do you have the ability to turn this atrocity into something beneficial, not only for yourself, but for women (and men) who have experienced the same thing. You must endure this suffering, this test of life, and grow from it. I just want to say to you from the bottom of my heart that... no, I do not know you, but I am here for you.

You may not want anyone to know what happened, and that is understandable. The feeling that people are going to look down on you will be there to start, but I promise you, anyone who looks at you in such a way does not deserve to be in your life. People who love you will talk to you, comfort you, and do everything they can to bring you back to that "normal" sensation we all are insecure about not having. No matter what your mind tells you, you should not be ashamed for what happened.

The questions will not end, and whatever you choose to say, do not say it with shame or humility. Be proud that whenever you choose to testify and let your story be heard to whomever, that you have the courage and strength to talk about something as debilitating as rape. This experience is an internal battle you will fight your entire life, but remember this: thousands of people are going through the exact same thing you are. You are not alone.

Rape does not define you. It never has, it never will. Surviving does.

Sincerely,

_______________