Dear Schools with Dress Codes,
Technically, you didn’t do anything wrong. You never told us that we dress like sluts when we wear skirts shorter than arm’s length. You never said that shoulders are too provocative to be showing to the class. You never claimed that exposing too much bare skin was too distracting.
But then again, you never implemented the exact same policy on every student. You never said that girls who are out of dress code don’t deserve it. You never encouraged me to accept my body, but rather to cover and judge it. Because of this, in just two years I went from a confident young teenager to an insecure young woman afraid to look in the mirror. Now when I go shopping, I walk straight past the shorts and tank tops, going directly to the baggy t-shirts and wide-legged jeans, hoping to cover up all the insecurities that have been brought out by the dress code. In the dressing room, I throw on clothes as quickly as possible so that I don’t have to see my bare body facing me in the mirror. I pass by girls on the street in crop tops and shorts and have to remind myself that they have the right to show off skin and not be judged for wearing what they are comfortable and beautiful in.
On that day I was brought into the assistant principal’s office, I had gotten compliments on my outfit from multiple friends, strangers, and teachers. My ankles, face, and neck were the only parts of my skin not covered in cloth, but you still said that what I was wearing was completely inappropriate for the learning environment. Apparently, the solid black cloth covering my legs were too distracting for my fellow classmates. As I bit my cheeks holding back the welling tears, I had never felt so outraged and defeated. When I walked home, both my parents and grandmother noted how cute my outfit was, but instead of taking these comments as compliments, I crawled back to my bedroom and cried because of how helpless and disgusting I was. I want to say that I overcame it. I walked out of my bedroom angry and determined to change them, but instead I have had to reteach myself to be confident in myself and my body. Even today, I am still not back to who I was before because of the self-doubt and hatred I face because of a couple words that restricted what I could wear every day for two years.
So, technically, you did everything wrong. You always implied that exposing skin meant provoking attention. You always told us that “proper” women do not dress in skirts shorter than arm’s length. You always said that spaghetti straps were too distracting for the boys who need to focus on their learning. And for this, I can’t forgive you. You openly allowed and encouraged me and countless other girls to hate our bodies and condemn other girls that wear “revealing” clothing. While my story is not the first or last, my newfound confidence from overcoming insecurities will push me to help those that you discourage, and to stand up for my right to wear what I want whenever I want. So thank you for helping me to find my voice after you took it away from me.
Sincerely,
A woman who lost and found her voice
