I never used to be the girl that got upset over you having girls as friends. I mean, occasionally I was jealous that you were talking to a girl, but I could tell it was innocent. You would show me the texts, convince me you loved me and only me, and even though I already knew that you did, it was nice to hear. Our relationship used to be normal and beautiful. You were one of my best friends. We had normal fights. I shed my tears, but with each one I loved you more because I knew we could make it through anything. There was never a reason not to trust you with my full heart.

Then the cold hit. I found things that changed me in ways that I could never imagine. I found messages on your laptop that should not have been said to any other girl. That was our roughest patch. All of my trust was gone. But I chose to believe your stupid stories. I chose you because I chose love over hate. I chose to put my faith in you although my trust was gone. Then I lost myself. I became the girl who sat up at five in the morning and remembered that my fingerprint was saved on your phone. So I saw your flirtatious texts to girls and I let it go. You made me believe your explanations by saying while we broke up for a week you were lonely. You cried in my arms and told me I was the best thing to ever happen to you. When I changed, you changed. Then, our relationship changed. That’s normal, I understand.

I became more suspicious, and I was not the girl you first began to date. Well, you were not the guy I knew when I started dating you. As the change in you became more prominent, you became distant. I could not trust you with any plans whatsoever. You would disappear with my car for hours and not show up until the next morning. Based on the past incidences with your laptop and text messages I suspected cheating, "but that was absurd." If I brought it up you would laugh in my face. To make up for this thought you cut girls out of your life -- girls that you had been friends with forever. That never made me feel better and I still felt way too uneasy. I would tell you these things and you called me crazy and emotional. Maybe I was even delusional. These are not words I take lightly because mental health is a real issue but you threw it around like it was nothing. It pissed me off that you would pretend to see me as a girl you had to be afraid of. I can admit that I changed but I cannot take the responsibility for it.

I began to cry at night because I thought something was wrong with me. I questioned why I couldn’t trust you, whether it was you or me. I sat up talking to my friends, knowing what their harsh, but true advice would be -- but still, I ended up on your side no matter what. We had one final talk before we shattered and I told you I would change. I noticed I was becoming over the top with my suspicions of you and I would try to fix that if you would help fix us. You promised. Two days later you broke us worse than I could have ever imagined. I watched you betray, with my own eyes, what I put all my energy into for the broken three months out of six that we had. I saw my gut feeling come to life when I saw you kiss another girl. This whole time while I was getting called crazy and delusional by you, I was right.

So maybe I was crazy. Not for the reasons you think, but I was definitely crazy. I was crazy for believing your lies and continuing to see your strengths when God would show me that you were just a weakness to me. I was crazy for letting you use me as something to stand on top of to make yourself seem bigger. I was crazy for loving you despite the pain you put me through. But I was not crazy for believing in my gut feeling. I was not crazy for thinking there was someone else. So in the end who is the actual crazy person here? The girl who was right or the boy who let the girl who genuinely love him go? The person who let what could have been so special turn into dust? Think about that. The only crazy I will actually admit to? I was crazy in love with you and that blinded me from seeing it all. Trust me now, the blindfold is gone and now I see that you are crazy for not loving me enough. Losing me is something you will never forget and I know that one day this will drive you crazy.