I'm not even going to start off with a "Dear..." only because you know who you are, and I know you won't care. The chance of you ever reading this is slim to none, and I'm OK with that. Even if you do end up here by chance, it's just a joke to you coming from a naive, dramatic little girl, who you've decided to throw away because her usefulness had run its course, and she was no longer a convenience, but a burden. Don't feel flattered, because I'm writing this for me, not for you. You've received more than enough from me without giving something of equal or similar value in return.

I'm writing this because it's something I never got to tell you. I held back because I was afraid, and I believed in you, in us, so strongly, I thought you would change your mind. You didn't. All I have left now is the endless repetition of things I should've said and done and maybe, just maybe, things might've turned out different. It didn't. But you knew that, didn't you? You used it to your advantage. You picked me apart, little by little, piece by piece, until that day came when you could destroy the remaining parts that had foundation, no ground to stand on.

The first mistake I made was getting back together — the second was forgiving you. You promised me one day that things would be different, that you would change. You kept your promise and you changed, but I changed along with you and not for the good. While you built yourself up, you tore me down: I was too stupid, too naive, too weird, too skinny. I didn’t have enough boobs or ass and to you, I was just dramatic. I was no longer perfect the way I was in your eyes, and not a day went by where you didn't remind me of it, directly or indirectly.

Then suddenly one day, I had friends you didn't like, so I stopped having friends. You told me that I was turning into my best friend and had the audacity to compare me to her. You wanted me to have friends like yours; you wanted to call me a different name; you wanted me to dress a certain way; you wanted me to gain more weight; you wanted me to fit your mold. Out of loyalty and the love that I had for you, I stupidly complied because I wanted to see you happy, even if I wasn't. Even when I knew, deep down, you were already looking for someone else. It wasn't hard to spot the signs since it wasn't the first time you did this to me either. I knew then that I couldn’t trust you, not again.

Eventually, the texts got shorter and the conversation topics got boring. Your reason was because it wasn't necessary for us to be talking all the time. But shouldn't your reason have been because you were nervous anytime I was close to your phone. Maybe because when I took it from you, playfully, you snatched it right out of my hand?

When it was finally over between us, the breakup dawned on me that it was my fault, or at least I thought it was. Because of the guilt I carried with me, I spent the rest of the semester and the few months after that, drunk, hoping to drown the guilt with hard liquor. All this time I thought it was me, that I had done everything wrong to lead us apart, but it wasn't.

Sure, I had a part to play; I'm not denying that. I became overbearing and untrusting, but I never thought of disrespecting you the way you disrespected me — not once did the thought cross my mind. Even when times were bad, all I said were good things about you; I regret it. In the end, I was just a convenience, to make you look good for the next girl and give her some sob story of how much hell I gave you, without telling her your cheating habits and your consistent lies.

Should the time ever come you figure out how badly you f**ked up and you want to come back, please don't. I am not the same person or the mold you tried to place me into. I have a mind of my own, and I will speak my thoughts. My answer will be no. I have nothing else left to give you or give up for you. I've given you everything I ever had but in the end, it wasn't enough. I've already lost more than I ever gained from you, and that kind of loss is the limit for me. Just because you destroyed my foundation, doesn't mean you broke my will. I chose to be a survivor, not a victim. I've accepted the monster you've turned me into as my strength, not as my weakness; the darkness as my light; my scars as proof I have fought and won. You wanted to take these things away from me, erase my identity, and who I am. I'm taking it back and gaining so much more than what you've ever and could ever give me. The friends I have and the man I'm with, I'm proud to call family.