So today is just one of those days again, I can already tell.
I had been woken up twice already and feel the desire to stay in bed all day, which is, of course, strange behavior for an extrovert.
The real struggle here is, today, my depression has emerged to the surface.
I barely feel like eating and just want to lay here and do nothing all day, but I have to eat because mom will question what is wrong again and I don't want to worry her.
Just for me to overthink.
Just for me to make it worse.
I don’t try to make myself feel this way and I don’t mean to cancel plans.
I wish I could take a personal day off work every time this happens but I will not let it defeat me. I will continue head on throughout the day.
But if I don’t seem as energetic or as happy as usual, don’t fret and don’t ask me about it.
I’m fine, today is just another one of those days, one of the bad days, for me.
This is a typical conversation I have in my head whenever I am feeling a little bit down.
What exactly does depression feel like?
Well, it is feeling perfectly fine one minute then all of the sudden, feeling weak, tired, and sad. Plus, your mind starts racing through a million different thoughts.
You start thinking.
You want to sleep but you can't because your mind just keeps running and running. It doesn't stop and you start to want to cry.
You think of past mistakes that you could have made better, or different.
You think of how you could improve yourself because, at that moment, you are your worst enemy.
It's a feeling that eats and eats at you until you feel completely empty inside, and you feel like it is not going to get better any time soon.
When you start to calm down, everything subsides and you are left with a strange, empty feeling. You continue with your day like everything is fine.
Although depression always stays with you, there is an important factor to remember. This does not define you. You fight with it every day and it has made you different. It has made you stronger. It has made you sensitive to others. You are so much more than it and you will get through it.
