Everyone knows and loves Ari's new bop "Thank u, next" and it kind of came on the radio at the most perfect time, for me. I was in my car driving home after a breakup, with a boy that I was seeing on and off for a little over a year. For me, this break up was the straw that broke the camel's back; and this song helped me realize some very important things.
Now, it's no secret that I have gone through my fair share of relationships over the years because I definitely have and I'll be the first to admit that.
As you go through life you meet new people, experience new things, and learn from your mistakes.
Although I have had a few relationships in my life and was even engaged at one point, I had never experienced being IN love with someone. Of course, I felt love for some of my exes, but it wasn't that infamous kind love we have all experienced or heard about. I thought I couldn't feel that way and I thought maybe there was something wrong with me, but boy was I wrong.
There have been times where I thought I might have been in love, for many different reasons, but I was never genuinely IN love until the guy that taught me REAL love, patience, and pain came along...1. How He Taught Me Love
This is a big one and it's the reason why this whole thing has been so hard on me. Like I mentioned before, I had never experienced what it was like to be in love before this boy came along and changed the game. I was playing a whole new ball game and I was not prepared.
I fell in love with the things he said, the way that he cared seemed to care, the way he looked at me, the way he made me feel; he was intelligent, funny, witty, handsome, athletic, talented (he could sing and play the guitar), he basically had every good quality any one person could possibly have, but most importantly, he boosted my self-esteem/self-confidence, he made my insecurities almost seem obsolete.
He didn't only teach me what it felt like to be in love, he taught me the most important kind of love, self-love.
2. How He Taught Me Patience
He kept telling me he needed time and to just give him some time...to decide whether he wanted to commit to me. I hate to admit this, but I gave him that time, I basically waited for him to decide whether he wanted to be with me or not. We were doing everything a couple in an exclusive relationship did, we just weren't officially exclusive.
Even though I waited for a long time for him to realize what I had realized, things got a little hard and one month later he was gone, again, but he won't be getting another chance.
You see, I was patient for over a year, but I shouldn't have been. He taught me that it is good to have patience with your significant other and to not just run away anytime something inconvenient comes up. He taught me to NOT wait for someone to realize they want to be with you because chances are if they have to think about it they probably don't. He taught me that you can have too little patience and/or too much.
He taught me that both people in a relationship have to have patience, not just one person because it takes two people to make a relationship work. I came across some old messages between him and me and it was a time where I told him that I just needed to quit talking to him for just a little bit so that I could move on from him, but I had told him that if he ever needed anything or if he ever needed to talk that I would always be there for him.
Seems fair enough, right?
I wasn't blocking him without any explanation like he did to me time and time again, but he told me that I was abandoning him. As I said, he "abandoned" me so many times.
I was the only patient one in that "relationship" and that's one of the reasons why it was never going to work out.
3. How He Taught Me Pain
Hold on to your Kleenex box because this one's a doozy. Just kidding, I won't go into all the gory details.
Now, since I had never experienced being in love before that means I never experienced a certain kind of pain that comes along with being in love or I guess being heartbroken...
The past 13 months was like being on a rollercoaster and I can happily say that I am glad to be off of that ride. Like a rollercoaster, you have your fun times and that's when the ride first takes off, slowly, and then you start the incline. That's where you're happy to be on the ride and your arms are up in the air and you're feeling euphoric. As you approach the top of that incline the ride starts to slow down and you know what's about to come, the scary part, the part you were dreading before you got on the ride and you get that sinking feeling in your stomach. You're finally at the top, the ride stops for a split second and then all of a sudden your arms are down, you're holding on for dear life, and all you can think is why you got on this ride knowing this was going to happen. Seems kind dramatic, right? Well, it is, and I know almost everyone has experienced something like this. It's crazy to think that one single person can make you feel all these emotions and there's nothing you can do about it.
I never thought I would be over this boy, but I am and I am the happiest I have been in over a year.
He isn't a bad person by any means. I feel no animosity towards him. I'm not blaming all of this on him because it takes two people, but now I can say honestly say I am free from my emotions and feelings that I had towards him and I can focus on myself, work, laughing, smiling, school, drinking wine, and being with the best people in my life. I now know what it is like to be in love, but next time I wish to learn what it's like to be in love with someone who is in love with me.
It sucks when the wrong person gets the chance to hold your heart, but you just have to remember that time heals all wounds. In life, you have to take chances, sometimes it will work out and sometimes it won't, but don't let that stop you. With each relationship, there is a lesson to learn and that helps you grow as a person. I learned so much from this experience. I learned that you shouldn't waste time trying to convince someone why they should be with you. I don't care who you are or who they are, you deserve so much more than that. We all do. Until the right one comes along, I will be loving myself, family, friends, and my life.
