There is a stigma around Tinder and anyone who goes on there might know it. There is a belief that Tinder is where the most desperate of us all lurk to get laid, find a date or even make a friend (odd way to start a friendship but not unheard of). I sometimes even feel a little bit of shame when I open up the app on my phone and start swiping candidates in the Seattle area. But I’m not deleting Tinder in this upcoming year for a couple reasons--I’m still desperately single and honestly, I kind of like Tinder.
I’m planning out my resolutions for the new year, and I’ve already roped my best friend into working out and dieting with me. But there's one thing I’m not doing--deleting my Tinder. I’m not saying that I’m going to find my future husband or that I’m putting all my relationship hopes into Tinder. I know what I want in a relationship from looking at the most wonderful romances in my life, and it’s that kind of love that I want. The kind where you’re not just in love, but you’re best friends. I want to be with a guy who I don’t mind spending hours talking to, who can handle my wild personality and doesn’t mind if I am overly loud and uncontrollable sometimes.
I don’t think I’m going to find that guy on Tinder. I think I’ll find a guy who’s more than willing to sleep with me once and then never call me again, so if I’m ever looking for that I know where to go. I’m not going to find the guy I can tell everything to and share important moments of my life with. Maybe there are a few lucky people out there who find everything they’re looking for on Tinder, but I know that won’t be me.
To all the other single people out there who are still trying their hardest to find someone to share the new year with and to all the people who will be kissing a glass of champagne instead of another person at midnight--being single isn't all bad. Being single means you can go out on casual dates without any expectations, it means exploring you are (not to speak in clichés) and it means that you can have a Tinder. But being single does not mean that you should lower your standards and settle for the first guy that you meet.
Tinder is full of people that just want something casual and easy. And if you’re not looking for that, don’t feel like you have to continuously lower expectations just so you’re not alone. In my experience, it’s better sitting alone than kissing someone just for the sake of kissing someone.
Tinder’s tagline is “it’s like real life, but better.” I disagree. None of the relationships that I look at and admire spout from Tinder. They come from the most unexpected of places--like calculus or work or mutual friends-- and they take time. And it might be a while until you find that person, but the only time the words “it’s a match” should matter to you are when you’re sitting in your room, smiling at a picture of you and your significant other, and being grateful that you didn’t give up.
So even though I think all of this, even though I think Tinder isn’t going to find me the love of my life, why am I not deleting it? Short and simple--it’s a reminder not to give up. It’s a reminder that there is someone out there, and even if I have to go on a hundred bad dates before finding one that actually works, there are options. Tinder is a reminder that there are lots of single people in the world and you are not the only one looking. Tinder is not a place where hope for love goes to die, it’s the place where you can find your hope all over again.