Growing up and watching cheesy rom-coms where the underdog and nice guy always won the girl has conditioned women of the twenty-first century to search for the "nice guy."
But does the "nice guy" really exist, and if he does, should that trait alone be enough for women to want to date them?
While swiping through what seems like countless dating apps, you will see a wide variety of cringe-worthy pick-up lines. Phrases like "looking for a dog mom for my puppy" or "tell me a joke and we'll see what happens," but one that always makes me stop in my tracks is "I'm just a nice guy looking for a nice girl" or something along those lines.
I have been on plenty of dates where the guy is nice. But that's it. There's no chemistry, no attraction, no spark. Sure, he held the door open for me and was kind, but now "nice" seems also to mean lukewarm. After dates where I find myself using the phrase "well, he was nice," it's because I need a placeholder to describe how I feel since I haven't made up my mind yet.
It isn't a no, but it's not a yes to a second date. Because here's the thing, being nice isn't enough to garner a second date. Just because a guy displays a few acts of kindness throughout a date is not enough to guarantee a woman's attraction.
Why? Because attraction is much more complicated than chivalry.
If any "nice guy" finds himself reading this and thinking "women only date assholes," consider why you're thinking this. Are you upset that the woman your longing for isn't dating you? Maybe you should think about the fact that you are only acting "nice" because you have an attraction to this woman. If you weren't interested, would you still be kind toward her or adopt an asshole persona? And to these so-called "nice guys," you need to accept that women are capable of making their own intelligent decisions. What you may consider the wrong choice may be the right one for us, and by not accepting that you are condescending since you seem to think you can make the better choice regarding who we are attracted to.
And here is a newsflash for you "nice guys," you don't deserve a prize for being nice. Isn't this a lesson we learn in kindergarten, treat others the way you want to be treated? Shouldn't it go without saying you act like a decent and respectable human being because it's the right thing to do? I wouldn't want to date someone who is putting up a front just in the hopes they are rewarded for this kindness with sex. If you expect sex as your gold star for being a decent human, then you think too little of women.
In all honesty, I would be lying if I said I didn't want to find someone who was genuinely kind and nice and genuinely treats me right. But there needs to be more than that.
While watching an episode of "New Girl," Jess battles with her feeling for Robby, saying, "there's just no oomph." As viewers, we are rooting for Robby, especially when he stands up for Jess, which is ultimately what she needed to help her see him in a different light. Of course, our lives and relationships don't always play out as easily as a 22-minute sitcom script does. But Robby's actions go back to there needing to be more. He wasn't just a nice guy; he stood up for Jess (*SPOILERS*) when he literally could not stand.
Do nice guys finish last, no, not always. But there needs to be more going on than you just holding the door open and being a good person.
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