I'm 19 years old and for most of my life I have been existing. My existence is not something that I was aware of until I really started living. At the end of 2017 I completely ruined my life, my life was falling apart and I was just standing by watching. I knew that I had to get out of the life that I was living and start a new one; so before 2018 ever started I started to fix myself. 2018 has been the hardest year of my life as far as work, all I have done is work on myself.
I have learned so much about myself and the people that I choose to surround myself with in the past year. In one year, I have completely torn myself down and built a new person. I've been in countless therapy sessions, with doctors and with friends. I've permanently cut people out of my life, gained new people that I will never lose, started an amazing relationship with the most amazing woman, and realized who I truly am. Let me just start by saying this: therapy works. Paying people to listen to your problems is the best invention ever and I swear to god that I will support it until the day I die.
I've had to cut people out of my life and that's been hard and easy at the same time. I haven't spoken to someone in over a year that is extremely toxic to me. This is the most comforting feeling in the world. Knowing that I have the power to control who is in my life is so powerful. I've also come to realize that if someone is toxic or they have toxic traits, they have to go- immediately. I don't have room in my life for toxic people especially when I am trying to grow.
My relationship has also helped me grow. I have never been in a relationship that has helped me grow. This relationship is the thing I needed, it's like I could only go so far on my own as far as growth and then Ciara came along and has helped me grow in ways that I couldn't on my own. Ciara has taught me how to be a better person and a kinder person, she's also taught me how to love in ways that I didn't know were possible.
My relationship with myself has grown the most in the past year. This past year I have learned so fucking much about myself. I am finally living my truth and not hiding anymore. It's taken a lot of courage and strength to become who I truly am and who I'm supposed to be. The process of living my truth has been a hard one, but it's been an amazing journey.
For the first time in my life I'm excited to live another year. 2019 is going to be the best year of my life. I have so many big plans for this year that are only going to help me grow even more than I already have. Granted, I'm not a perfect person nor will I ever be, but I am so much better off than I was two years ago.