I currently am in college two hours away from home and have a dog that lives with my parents at home. When I first moved to my university, it was hard to get used to having so many different people around me and although I was not alone, I felt alone. As excited as I was to get out of high school and move on to bigger and better things, actually moving on was absolutely terrifying. First of all, I struggled immensely with my anxiety. I did not know exactly how to handle it in this completely new environment and without my siblings or parents around. Honestly, everything scared me and I had no idea if I had the guts to stick with college so far from home...and far from my dog.
Some people would think this sick feeling that I had on a daily basis was just homesickness but I knew being homesick was not the only problem bothering me. As my freshman year passed, my homesickness did too. My anxiety, however, did not. I continuously experienced high anxiety, panic attacks, and dizziness every time I was anxious. I never knew why I felt dizzy, but when it would start, I could not stop my anxiety from rushing into my thoughts, convincing me that something was wrong with me and that I needed to leave wherever I was, right then and there.
These feelings of intense anxiety began taking over my life during my sophomore year in college. It felt like every single day, there was something wrong. I could hardly sit through one of my 50-minute classes without panicking and having frantic feelings that I NEEDED to leave. Sometimes it did get so bad, I would leave. I started noticing that I was skipping class because I would convince myself hours before class even began that I knew I was going to be anxious and that there was no reason for me to go, since I assumed I would leave anyway. When I started noticing this, and noticing my grades slipping, I knew I had to do something about this. If I wanted to do well in school and go to graduate school, I needed to do something about my anxiety.
Normally, I call my mom about 3 times a week (yes, I love my mom A LOT). I called her that week so many times because I just wanted to come home and figure out something we could do. I did not want to do this on my own. I needed support. Finally, a free weekend came. I decided to drive home and spend time with my parents and my dog. I finally got a doctor’s appointment for my anxiety and for some reason, I was nervous. Ironic, right? Nervous about my anxiety appointment… I think I was nervous that the doctor was going to tell me that there was nothing wrong with me. I was nervous about that because if the doctor did say that, what would I be left to do? I knew there was SOMETHING wrong with me.
I brought my mom with me to my appointment and I had her come into the little check up room with me too. After I was given an anxiety medication prescription, I felt nothing but relief and a little nervous because you never know how those medications can affect you as an individual.
I have been on my medication for a couple months now and I can tell you they have helped me tremendously. Whether you believe in anxiety medication or not, this definitely worked for me. Yes, of course I still have bad days; yes, I am still anxious sometimes. But it has never made me feel dizzy or sick again.
For this, I am grateful. I am SO thankful that I have the opportunity to enjoy life without chronically worrying about absolutely everything and thinking all the time about absolutely everything. I had not known what life was actually like when I wasn’t constantly thinking about what is happening next or what just happened or what happened 3 years ago.
Maybe you just read my story and felt that it did nothing for you, and maybe you read it and for some reason, it truly made some impact on you. Making an impact is my goal. I want you to know that you are NEVER alone. Whatever chronic illness, stress, or anything, there is always someone there. Forget just someone, I, Megan, am always here for you, whoever you are and whatever you are going through! Try to never forget that there is always a reason to smile and even when you think there is nothing, there is always a reason to keep going. Nothing can stop you, nothing can stop me. Not even my anxiety.
