For introverts, it often feels like the world is built for extroverts. “Leadership” is often defined by extroverted characteristics and in order for introverts to excel in many leadership positions, it seems the only option is to fake it until we make it.
In my middle school and high school, we often did personality tests like the Briggs Myers test to understand what kind of personality we had, and how we could align it to specific career paths and better learn to cooperate with peers of different personality types. I ended up being marked with the personality type “INFJ” each time I took the personality test.
This specific personality type was explained to be the least common, making up only 1 percent of the population. The letters stand for introverted, nurturing, feelings and judging. However, while you can easily google the explanation of these different personality types, I have created my own understanding of the INFJ.
To me, INFJ means rarity. It means the people I “click” with are few and far between. I think for many introverts in general, this can be a frustrating trait to have and I’ve definitely felt that way before. Time has helped me understand, though, that this trait has strong positives as well. It means the few and far between people that I “click” with will be lifelong friends with deep loyalties. It means I’m able to completely open up and be crazy and weird around these few individuals and know I can trust them. To me, this is all anyone ever needs.
Another big part of being an INFJ is the exhaustion that being around people brings. While it is fun to meet new people and have interesting and exciting conversations, these conversations are what drain us. For me, the best example of this was freshman orientation for my first year of college last August. It was five days of constant energy, meeting people and always having to be on top of things. Even at the end of the day, you still weren’t alone because now you were living with a roommate.
The most misunderstood part about introverts in general, though, is that just because socializing in big groups drains us, it doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy it. For example, one of my favorite part of being on campus is my job as a tour guide. It means I am extremely high energy for an hour or so while meeting a large group of individuals and talking and connecting. Afterwards, I like to enjoy my own time studying or listening to music on my own for a little bit while I recharge.
This brings me to the last puzzle piece to understanding an INFJ: leadership. For so long, I believed leaders were only the extroverted, loud, bubbly personalities. What I learned through high school and the beginning of college was that leadership is largely how you make others feel. How do you make others feel around you? Are they welcomed and included or pushed off to the side as an outsider? The advantage to being a quiet leader and an INFJ in particular is that you tend to have a very strong sense of how others around you feel. If someone feels pushed to the side or silenced, you tend to notice very quickly and know how to help them.
Simply learning about your own personality type can be a way to better accept yourself and understand why you relate to the people you relate to. I strongly believe learning about yourself is a long, never ending process, but that is okay. Despite how basic it may sound, learning about yourself leads to loving yourself and to love yourself can be the hardest task.
