Dear Boy,
First, I want to start by saying I know we were never official, but damn you were good at pretending to actually be interested in me. We shared a few good memories, but the bad ones outnumbered the good ones. Yet, all I can think about are the better ones. You definitely made me laugh and smile and I really thought it would go somewhere.
But it didn't. I haven't fully accepted that yet, but I've learned that eventually I will. It's going to take some time because you were convincing. You made it so easy to fall for you. You did everything right at the time. Why didn't you just cut me loose? Why did you play with my emotions? I told you how I felt and at a time you said you felt the same way. Then things changed.
I guess you just lost feelings for me or maybe you never felt that way at all or just got bored. But you didn't have the decency to tell me anything, you just left and stopped talking to me. It was so easy for you to forget about me, you had no regard for my feelings. I tried everything to keep talking to you, but I soon became the "crazy obsessed" girl. But in a way I was that girl. I couldn't help it, the better memories were just on a constant loop in my head. The things you said (or texted mostly) wouldn't leave my mind.
I wanted to hold on to you, I still had hope that maybe just maybe you felt how I felt. I did this to myself, though. You are just a boy in college like you actually would start something with a girl. All of our times together were not how two people who were really interested in each other were supposed to hang out. Way past midnight and a couple of drinks in. I was stupid for thinking this is just how you showed interest in me, the real me. But all I wanted to do was see you, and if meant at that time, then I was okay with it. You seemed so different though and I convinced myself that you were. But you weren't. You were probably worse because you actually made me fall for you.
This wasn't even the worst thing that you did, though. Even after you knew how I felt and you obviously didn't feel that same way, you didn't let me go like a decent person. You still tried to use me for what you wanted. That was the worst--the false sense of hope you gave me. You had no problem taking advantage of my feelings and disrespecting me, but I excused your behavior because I couldn't stop my feelings. Some of the things you asked of me made me feel worthless, degraded, and heartbroken.
Although I haven't fully healed, I'm getting there. I feel as though I should thank you. Thank you for making me realize you aren't worth my time, a boy who really liked me would never treat me the way you did. Thank you for making me learn to respect myself more than I did when you were still relevant. Thank you for making me realize I deserve a man, not a boy like you. But most importantly, thank you for making me realize I don't even need a boy in my life to define my self-worth. I am intelligent, beautiful both inside and out (confidence is key), and happy all on my own.
You broke me, but not all the way. I'm resilient. I want to say I hope someone makes you feel that way you made me feel, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Just remember a pretty face is nothing, if you have an ugly heart.
Have a nice life!
Sincerely, Me
