Society teaches women that we must be all one size, one skin tone, and one height. Four years ago, I was striving to be "society's version" of the perfect woman and now, I could care less. As long as I make it to number fifteen of my third set on the leg press, life is great.
Four years ago, I was more conscious about the number on the scale being as low as I could get it; pouring diet pill after diet pill into my weak and malnourished body. I didn't care what it took but I was determined to be a size 2, when in reality, that result was not achievable unless I starved myself or I cut off half of my limbs and sold them on the black market... Obviously, number two didn't happen, but number one did.
Things got WORSE. The man I had been with for the last two years was abusive in every sense of the word. I was verbally torn down and brainwashed into thinking I didn't have a choice about how to live my life or how my body should look. It was as if I was some Barbie playing dress up for his pleasure. When he told me I needed to switch birth control to the depo shot, I did.
.
I dare you, Google the number one physical side effect of the "depo shot". You will find its weight gain. Mental side effects include depression, suicidal thoughts, irritability, etc. Whatever reality I was in at the time, I thought he wanted me on this medication because it was better for me. Towards the end of our relationship, the words and thoughts that had been hidden for months started flowing out of his mouth like Niagara Falls.
"I knew it would make you gain weight. I wanted you to so you wouldn't leave"
" I wanted you to think no one else would love you."
110 pounds and two months post break-up later... I woke up. When I woke up I finally looked at myself in the mirror and saw what I had allowed him to create. Someone who hated not only herself but every aspect of her life. I couldn't live like that any longer, so before I went to bed that night I googled "fat loss workouts." After sorting through about 100 articles I made my decision to start going to the gym.
20 pounds later I met a man, who would later be my husband, who had just finished his first NPC Physique show. I had never met such a strong and determined individual. He helped me grow as a person within those first six months of us dating in more ways than one. I then decided that once I had gotten to a considerable amount of fat loss, that I was going to start training for my first bikini competition.
And then I did. I am now starting to train for my first bikini competition. I'm blessed with an amazing man, I lost weight, I got a handle on my depression and anxiety and now life is good. Now my biggest worry in life is whether or not I can fit some extra cardio in or if I'm able to get a new bottle of pre-workout. Going through horrible stages in life definitely changes your viewpoint on this world. I'm thankful that I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
