Chivalry is dead, apparently. Girls say guys are to blame because they only want to hook up. Guys say girls are to blame because they don’t act like ladies anymore. "Netflix and chill" is guilty too. Tinder is being charged as a co-conspirator. A strong case can be made against twerking. We can file a class action lawsuit against the media for killing chivalry with their depictions of overly sexual women and men. I know we love to blame all of these elements for perpetuating the hook up culture and the death of romance.

Or perhaps, people are just looking for a reason that'll explain why they are single. It’s easy to blame something that is out of their control. It kind of feels good channeling the unrequited emotions we’ve all had thrown back in our faces on something other than ourselves. It makes us all less accountable for our actions and by extension, our own love lives. We ignore warning signs all the time and we reject people we don't like too. We are not victims of this hook up culture. We're not victims at all.

Call me crazy, but I’m grateful that I get the chance to experience the ever-changing dynamics of dating in this time period. I don’t want to wait around for Prince Charming while I embroider cushions. That sh*t sounds boring as hell. People complain about the time it takes to get a text back, but it beats waiting around for a knight in shining armor like I'm a helpless damsel. There is more to life than romance and marriage anyway. Once you get into the habit of waiting around, the less likely you are to be happy. It breeds insecurity and resentment.

I know it sucks to be emotionally invested in someone only to feel rejected by them, but entertain the idea that social media and 'hooking up' aren't the ones to blame. Regardless of the circumstances, when someone is really into you, you’ll know it. They won’t make excuses about it, blow you off, screw around with other people or pull a disappearing act that makes Houdini look like an amateur. This brings me to what usually happens when things fizzle out. We all will eventually get back out there and there has never been a better time to get back out there.

The dating pool has blown wide open. Now while I haven’t taken to the online dating craze, I have enjoyed quite a few kicks stalking the guys I’ve dated (or wanted to date) on social media. I happen to love having a ton of choices and information to make better informed decisions. We are all connected now. Long gone are the boring days of courtships. There are also, like, 15 different platforms to find out dirt on other people. It’s a ton of fun if you don’t get too carried away. The down side to this has been acknowledged more than the up.

I understand that many people don’t want to know the romantic history of a potential love interest. If his ex-girlfriend is drop dead gorgeous, it might make you feel self conscious. If he’s commenting sleazy things on other girl’s pictures, you'll stumble along the evidence pretty easily. Trust me, I’ve been there, but that dude is a jerk and I’d rather see that he’s a jerk right away than be jerked around by a jerk for an undetermined amount of time. There are plenty of nice guys out there who won’t play those games. I know you’re screaming “BUT WHERE? WHERE ARE THE NICE GUYS?!” There are plenty of places they can be, but I’ll tell you where they’re not. They are not on Tinder and they are usually not at the bar! Chivalry may not be dead, you may just be dating assholes.

There are always signs that someone isn’t right for you. Don’t shove your foot into a glass slipper that doesn’t fit. Don’t accept it when people treat you like crap. But don't decide that everyone is a jerk so you might as well settle for whoever comes along either. Oh, and stop dating and entertaining people who treat you badly because when a good guy comes along you might be too cynical and screwed up emotionally to accept the love he has to give.

This is an opportunity to create your own definition of chivalry and it doesn’t need to be watered down, your expectations do not need to be lowered. In fact, you should probably raise them.You learn a lot about yourself from the people you love and the people you lose. I know I did, and that is what dating is for. You need to find out what values are important to you. I learned that I wanted a guy who cared about my interests but still had his own. Someone who would like how independent I am, not be intimidated by it. Someone who wouldn’t leave me guessing about how he felt at any point in our courtship. I wanted a guy who would hold the door open for me and get me flowers, but who would also text me funny memes when I was upset. Someone who would make me his #wcw ( Yes, I know how lame that sounds). I thought chivalry was dead too, until I stopped settling for guys who didn’t meet my own modern definition of it.