I'm not very political but I stumbled upon this book and it's insane how relevant it is to today. It is a letter from Quintus Cicero to his brother Marcus Cicero on how to run for Roman consul around 100 BC. Turns out lying, bribing, and digging up people's dirty laundry has been working for millennials. Let's see if it's repeating itself. Top takeaways from How To Win An Election.

1. Promise Everything to Everybody

This one reminds me of all those grade school votings for class president. "More recess and class trips for everyone!" Hellllllz yea, got my vote. That's way better than having to work a bake sale or some lame ass can drive to get funds for the space museum.

"Tell the crowd of the day whatever it is they want to hear. After the election, you can explain to everyone that you would love to help them but unfortunately, influences outside of your control have intervened."

I feel like we all kind of understand this on some level but still people get outraged about promises of walls and free healthcare. How much of the shit promised by candidates ever came through? Things like jobs for everyone and giant ass walls won't actually happen no matter who wins. I'm still waiting on my damn 15 extra minutes of recess...and its bullshit.

"Give people hope, at least til after the election where you will inevitably let them down."

2. Get Your Family and Friends On Board

Get a solid home base with which to stand on. The general population loves to see at least the appearance of a stable home life, even if their own is not so stable. This one sounds pretty nice and fluffy but its a bit more dark-hearted.

"The most destructive rumors of a candidate begin by those closest to them."

The biggest reason to get your family on board is to make sure they aren't the ones that spill that one scandal that leads to your downfall. This leads us to number three.

3. Rumors of Corruption are Great but Sexual Scandals are Better

Dig up as much dirt as you can on your opponent even if it's not true. It is not about proving you are the best candidate but rather proving how unfit your counterpart is. It's weird because we know this deep down that most campaigns are trying to tarnish the opponent's reputation an yet candidates still do it. And they do it for a reason...it still works.

Most people who have a strong opinion on a particular candidate are somehow being influenced by stories about the opponent which may or may not be true usually slanted by some form of dumbed down media.

4. Remember Names (Especially of the Common People)

I actually kinda like this one, it seems the most authentic, at least on the surface. The book recommends remembering as many names as possible. Dale Carnegie, author of How To Win Friends and Influence People, says a person's name to them is the sweetest sound in the world. We like people who remember us. People that we like, we are more likely to tell our friends and family about. Some of my favorite athletes, musicians, business people are really only my favorite because I have met the celeb in person not because they were the most talented, hardest working, or even nicest person. Still won't throw out my crumpled signed Adam Oates poster. That guy was almost a legend!

5. Tell A Simple But Compelling Story

The lead political strategist of Bush that got him elected twice when he was not the most favored candidate says it's all about story. Humans evolved in small groups, so we have a innate desire to want to know the hot gossip of others both good and bad. Think about it, what great movie doesn't have a story arch to it. But this means there has to be a villain, a build up, a resolution, and a hero.

So even if the promised resolution is "Hope" or "Change" or "Make America Great" it is all part of the elaborately woven story to get votes that don't tell us much about how the resolution will come about. It's more compelling that way not knowing the ending.

6. Fear

This one is eerily upsetting. Humans respond to fear. If you tell them a great story and that that the other candidate (villain) will have an open door policy for terrorism and violence you can stir up the emotions of the general public. Unless of course they vote for you...the hero.

This one is tough because it is so powerful. Say there was a candidate that was best for the country. They probably won't even run because they don't want to get involved with all the back and forth and manipulation of emotions of common folk just to get a vote. It's like mainstream anything. Only the mediocre, in this case, candidates rise to the top because most people don't want to have to think. It takes too many calories to think, emotions are calorically cheaper.

How many people you know can hold a political conversation and not get emotional?

By scaring people and then offering some form of resolution...you can secure a vote.

What Can We Do? (Manipulate the Manipulators)

Whatever our #1 issue in life we can't let whoever wins an election effect us. Now even if the president personally walks down to our office and fires us, increases how much we pay in taxes and gives every single other person a break, or tanks the whole economy by starting wars and messing with foreign policy... we have more control over our situations than we think.

Yes, Presidents can somewhat affect jobs and economies and even wars, but they're more of a figure head, like a school principal. Their job is basically to prevent a civil war and the citizens from killing each other just like the main role of the principal is to make sure kids aren't stabbing each other with pencils and that they somewhat listen to teachers.

Whatever situation we find ourselves in, it is our responsibility for finding a way out.

We are not victims. That being said, I'm not so naive to think that policies don't make life harder for a lot of people and wars don't deeply impact people. But how many decisions a president makes are really affecting your day to day life? And there are always people who thrive under any president...so copy what they are doing.

"Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If everyone took care or their own shit there would be less shit the president would have to promise. It's like those airline masks that drop down when cabin pressure drops. Put on your own mask before you try to help others. You can't do any good it you're all passed out too. So by all means vote...or don't, just try to see a little past the story you're presented with and don't worry too much about the outcome because ultimately it's on us to create the life/country we want.

-Dylan