For almost six years now I have suffered from depression and anxiety. For almost six years now I’ve actively been trying to fix the problem. For almost four months now I have been in love with the greatest man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
Anxiety and depression aren’t fun, especially when their energy collides like that of a glass dispersing as it hits hard ground. At least once every month or two, a serious slump hits that is extremely difficult to climb out of and while I learned so much from having to pull myself out, it is a beautiful thing to have someone to hold my hand and rescue me from my darkest days. Facing anxiety attacks at seemingly random moments is daunting when I have to confront them alone –– but in the presence of someone who cares deeply for me, I no longer feel like I am six feet tall in a three-foot room. I don’t quite know if I could ever wrap my mind around how it is possible for someone to try so hard to understand what I am going through just so they can help in every situation.
It isn’t easy to fall in love knowing that your chemically imbalanced brain will affect your relationship, and it will place stress upon the both of you on a regular basis. If I’m being honest, love is terrifying in itself, but it is beautiful when it’s real. A sacrificial type of love –– a crucifixion type of love is the type of love that can meander through any obstacle and fight off any obstructions in its course. This type of love is the type of love that people yearn for.
The patience and understanding that is required for a relationship with someone who suffers daily is not a simple thing to get used to. On the days when I can’t think of a reason why I am upset, I just am, I am grateful for the love I receive anyways. On the days that I send six texts in a row because I’m in the middle of a panic attack, I am grateful for the hand that reaches for mine. On the days that I struggle to see the bright side, I am grateful for the man that brings light into my world. On the days that I am completely overcome by the depression or the anxiety, I am grateful that I have someone to pick me up regardless of how heavy I feel.
I’m not the only one suffering that can fall in love. There is no such thing as “if you’re not happy how can someone else make you happy?”. Love comes in many shapes and sizes. Love easily transcends all aspects of these unfortunate diseases. Love is stronger than your anxiety attacks; it is willing to bring the sun from behind the grey clouds in your head.
1Corinthians 4-8: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
