To the people that love me

Or say that they do

What does love even mean to you

I wish

You didn't have to say it

And lie straight to my face because then just

Maybe

I wouldn't think it was a lie

But I'm well aware that actions

Speak louder than words

Because a person can't lie through their

Visible mannerisms

But can say anything without

Really meaning it

Why the deception and the lies

Why the false truths and manipulation of the

Mind

What makes love a reality

Somebody tell me

Please

Because i'm really not sure anymore

And I feel like a whore

Just because of society's judgement of attraction

But really

Im just trying to find what everyone needs

That's love

I think you need it to breathe

And some are rich with love and lovers

While some have few acquaintances that know

How to love

The right way

Whatever that may be

But at this point i'm not sure what that even means

But a see a puppy

And a grand piano

In my living room with big windows

And comfy couches for my family

With 3 little kids that will be my favorite gift of

Life

And Ill teach them to meditate

So they can get through there days

In sanity

I will teach them to be grounded and only give energy to positive thoughts and people

And manifestation

We will manifest our healthy happy future of love music

and a puppy

And a garden of raspberries

And a green house

Filled with this big leafy plant that kind of smells like

Mary Jane

Have you met her?

Because she seems to but one of the main ingredients I need to keep my sane

Mary Jane

Because my ptsd still has me in chains

Making it hard to trust anyone that's something of a man

Making it hard to

Breathe

But MJ helps the walls stop waving at me

And puts m back into reality

And gives me back the euphoria

That was once inside of me

Or maybe its just tucked away

Way down deep

And only comes out sometimes

Sometimes

The stars and the trees are the only things that help because

They talk to me

You think im lying but they do

And when you ask me 'what do they say"

Well

They say "everything okay"

The maples hush my worries

and my overthinking thoughts that seem to never leave

And I come to listen to these trees almost

Every

Day

And I sit against them and hear what they have to say because

Recently

Kindness only seems to come from the trees

And the stars

Stars give me stability and pretty

To look up at and see

When every other being I've looked up to always let me down

But the stars are always there

Sparkling pretty for us to see

And I think I found mars but i'm not really sure

But its brighter and bigger and yellower

Than the other beautiful light beams that blanket

The universe

The stars give me stability

Knowing they are balls of gas somewhere for

Ever

Just floating up there posing and making art for our eyes

Our eyes

To keep the universe warm

Of beauty

Over the misery on earth on the news

And with the governments and global warming and wars

And racism and sexism and homophobes and

violence

But why can't there just be love

For everyone and anyone because we all need it to breathe

Love for survival

Happiness

And the future of our kind of beings