My angel,
It's been four months since we lost you, and I still think of you almost every day.
It's the little things really. Someone tags you in something on Facebook. Seeing something related to your sorority. Car rides on rainy days. The little signs on the highway warning drivers about accidents.
I wouldn't have considered us close when you were alive. You helped mentor me for a pageant on campus. I was a hopeless wreck trying to walk in those heels, but you never stopped encouraging me. Some of our friends ran in the same circles. Occasionally we'd see each other on campus, and you'd never fail to say hi with the genuine smile you always wore. You were one of those people I didn't know super well, but I loved knowing. You had it all together. Beauty, brains, a bright future. You were the kind of person everyone looked at and just knew you were going places.
Some people said I didn't mourn you correctly; that I was being selfish. I wish I had gone to your service, I really do. But in that moment, I couldn't. I didn't know how to cope. You were so young, and then you were just gone. How could something like this have happened? These things aren't supposed to happen to people I know- they're just supposed to be disconnected new stories you hear and move on from. It wasn't fair. It still isn't fair.
Grief is a finicky thing. They present the seven stages as if you file through them and after that it's going to be okay. It doesn't work like that at all. I'm starting to learn that not every day will be a good one, just as not every day will be a bad one. Even in death you still bring us joy and happiness, and I know that's the way you would have wanted it. You were an angel on earth, and I know for a fact that hasn't changed one bit.
We miss you every day. But we also know you've never quite left us. You live on in the lives you touched and the smiles you shared. They say a person dies two deaths- the first when they physically pass, and the second when their name is spoken for the last time. If that's the case, you will live forever.
Rest in peace, Valencia.
